This girl wished upon a star and became Heidi Montag. (The Dirty)

Before you see the new Tron, check out the old one first. (Pajiba)

Katy Perry wears Bridget Jones-style granny panties. (Hollywood Rag)

Lots more pics of Salma Hayek flaunting her tits. (UseMyComputer)

Jessica Alba bikini pictures: a gentleman’s retrospective. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Christina Hendricks shows off the puppies in Direct TV magazine. (GCeleb)

Vanessa Hudgens gets into a car accident. (Socialite Life)

Kelly Osbourne just crossed the line from “healthy” into “anorexic.” (Moe Jackson)

Find out what Celine Dion is doing with these male twins! (Celebitchy)

Janice Dickinson steals from the homeless, and not just their souls, either. (CelebSlam)

Jon Gosselin, extortionist extraordinaire. “Exhibitionist extraordinaire” is also implied. (The Blemish)

Lindsay Lohan might not really be naked in Machete, but Mayra Leal sure as hell is. See for yourself! (CelebNewsWire)

Decoding Heidi Montag: just in case she’s really a robot. (College Candy)

Hugh Jackman even saves people from cancer. I want to wear that man like a hat. (Jezebel)

Rapper T.I. and his wife Tameka “Tiny” Cottle were arrested for possession of a controlled substance last night after cops pulled them over because they “smelled marijuana.” Through their car, mind you. The cops somehow smelled marijuana through their car. Maybe the cop was part bloodhound. According to TMZ:

L.A. County Sheriff’s deputies pulled over the rapper and his wife in a Maybach on Sunset Boulevard around 10:18PM. Deputies say they smelled marijuana.

When searching the vehicle cops found a controlled substance. The controlled substance was not cocaine, but rather the class of controlled substance that includes methamphetamines and ecstasy.

Law enforcement sources say both T.I. and Tameka were booked on felony possession of a controlled substance.

Smelled marijuana my ass. That cop saw a black guy in a pricey car and figured he’d turn up a gun, maybe, or at the very least some dope, because he’s a black guy in a fancy car. Strangely, even though the cop “smelled” marijuana, he never actually found any marijuana. So one could contend that the cop really had no probable cause to search the vehicle in the first place, which would mean the evidence against them should be thrown out, as it was obtained under false pretenses. I didn’t go to law school or anything, but I used to deliver sandwiches to this one firm downtown and I’ve been to court lots of times, so I’m practically an expert.

TMZ is now reporting that the drug the cops found is a purple drink called Sizzurp — aka codeine syrup — that is all the rage in the hip-hop community. The Kool-Aid man must be so pissed.

The Daily Mail got a hold of some pictures of Grey’s Anatomy actress Ellen Pompeo sporting what seems to an extra digit one of her feet. It sure looks like she’s got a sixth toe to me, but then I found some more pictures of her in the same shoes where it looks like she’s only got five. I tried zooming in 200% and adjusting the contrast and shadows on those pics, but I still couldn’t really tell one way or the other. It was at that point I realized I’d spent the last half hour scrutinizing pictures of Ellen Pompeo’s feet, so then I just stared at myself in the mirror while holding a gun to my temple, wondering where it all went so terribly wrong. I went to college, you know!

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Usually when you see washboard abs, a hairless chest, buttery blond highlights and manicured stubble, you also see closeups of anal penetration, because you’re watching gay porn. Yet I don’t see a single pair of testicles slapping against Kellan Lutz’ ass anywhere in these pics. Maybe this is one of those “distance ejaculation” niche fetishes that you hear about on the internet. The other guy is probably just out of sight with a fluffer, aiming directly for Kellan’s pec implants.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Kelly Preston has played beard to John Travolta for almost twenty years now, but their sham of a marriage is about to be revealed to the public. Nine MSN says:

John Travolta’s family has been dealt another blow as reports emerge that he has been allegedly cheating on his wife — engaging in “lewd sex acts with other men” as part of a “secret gay spa subculture.”

“John Travolta has been cheating on Kelly for years!” said Robert Randolph, author of the memoir “You’ll Never Spa in This Town Again.” “And when the details emerge, he’s gonna make Tiger Woods look like a boy scout.”

When asked for comment, John Travolta reportedly said, “Ooh, Tiger Woods as a boy scout… yummy! Where do I sign up?” and impishly covered his mouth with his hand while making his best I’m-so-naughty face.

I could talk about the lunatic that was shot down at the Discovery Channel headquarters today after holding several people hostage and demanding that they cease production of “19 Kids and Counting” and “Jon and Kate Plus 8,” but that story really doesn’t have any boobs in it. At least not boobs in the mammary sense of the word, and that’s the only definition I’m counting here. So let’s talk Christina Hendricks and her awesome rack instead! Popeater says:

The UK edition of Cosmopolitan magazine claims that young women would rather look like breakout ‘Mad Men’ star Christina Hendricks than iconic waif Kate Moss.

“Joan [Hendricks' character] has had a huge impact on fashion and on women having the confidence to flaunt their curves,” editor Louise Court [said].

“This year loads of girls want to look like Christina Hendricks, not Kate Moss.”

Hendricks has also recently been praised by Britain’s Equalities Minister for setting a great body-image example with her hourglass figure.

It’s nice to see women being encouraged to have real boobs again. I’m so over the rail-thin blonde with bolt-on tits look that is so pervasive in Hollywood these days. Give me a luscious, curvy brunette like Kelly Brook or a buxom redhead like Christina any day of the week. No, I mean it. Give them to me. Give them to me, or I take everyone at ABC Studio Headquarters hostage until “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” get taken off the air. Just do what I say, and nobody gets hurt!

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures

Early screenings of Machete reveal Lindsay Lohan is nude for the entire movie. (Jezebel)

Only Katy Perry would think she could get away with wearing kittycat ears out in public. (INF Daily)

Michael Douglas reveals he has stage 4 cancer on Letterman last night. (Dlisted)

Candice Swanepoel takes her clothes off. I second the motion. (The Grumpiest)

Fergie finds a way to eliminate embarrassing on-stage accidents — the denim diaper! (Celebrity Odor)

Cheryl Tweedy’s official 2011 calendar will help you ring in the new year with one hand. (CelebJihad)

Ashton Kutcher responds to those cheating allegations with his attorney and his middle fingers. (Seriously? OMG)

Matthew McConaughey might be the only celebrity alive that looks better without all the photoshop. (Celebrity Smack)

Sephora dumps Kim Kardashian on her big fat ass! I’m sure she’ll land on her knees feet, though. (CelebSlam)

Pam from The Office actually looked kinda hot at the Emmy’s for once! Good on Jenna Fischer for getting a stylist. (Moe Jackson)

Jessica Alba in the world’s ugliest fucking dress. (Hollywood Rag)

Sean Penn is stuffing Charlize Theron! Blasphemy! (Celebitchy)

The Top Ten Naked and Knocked Up Chicks of All Time! Sorry, your mom didn’t make the list. (Mr. Skin)

When young suburban white girls go hardcore gangsta. (The Dirty)

Ever seen J-cup breasts? I have, and I kinda wish I hadn’t now. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Kate Hudson in late 80′s hair band makeup! (Socialite Life)

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have never let their 15-year difference come between them. The blond chick he was spotted tongue-bathing was actually more like twenty. Star Magazine says:

An eyewitness saw [Kutcher] kissing and groping a hot young blonde by an out-of-the-way bathroom at Italian restaurant Madeo in L.A.

“Ashton had this gorgeous girl pinned against the wall, and he was totally making out with her,” [said the] witness. “I was shocked to see him sucking face with a girl who obviously wasn’t Demi.”

When Demi learns the truth of about the steamy session — which Ashton’s rep denied — it will be her worst fear come true.

“All along, Demi was told it would never work, that he’s going to cheat,” a friend tells Star. “When she finds out that it happened, she’ll be devastated.”

Ashton can always pretend it was an elaborate setup and that she had just been “punk’d” as part of his TV show. Except “Punk’d” has been off the air for almost three years now. On second thought, he should probably just punch her in the hip. Old people have brittle bones and tend to have a hard time getting up once they’ve fallen down. Perhaps you’ve seen their commercial.

Proving she might be 47, but she’s still young (pictures from her Twitter above) and cool (at a Snoop Dogg concert in Vegas this weekend):

I’ve never actually watched an episode of Gossip Girl, mostly because I don’t give a shit about the “scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite” or teenagers in general. But that’s all about to change now that I’ve seen these pics of Blake Lively. Really, who am I to say the day-to-day challenges of the privileged and self-entitled can’t resonate with Middle America in today’s faltering economy? Who am I to let the clichéd plot and nonsensical character development get in the way? I think it’s time I finally embraced what this show is truly about… and then motorboat them.

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures, Bauer-Griffin Online

Lindsay Lohan has sicced her attorneys on her father in an attempt to prevent him from capitalizing on her innermost thoughts and secrets. Radar Online says:

The troubled starlet has fired off a scathing and threatening cease and desist letter to her dad, ordering him to stop selling her personal property.

At the center of the legal spat is Lindsay’s private diary entries she wrote while in drug rehabilitation at Cirque Lodge in Utah in 2007.

The legal letter says she had no idea her father had the diary and she did not give him permission to sell or distribute it.

The lawyer warned that if Michael tried to sell the diary or any other of Lindsay’s personal belongings, Lindsay would exercise all her legal rights and seek damages for a “grave invasion of privacy.”

I always though my dad was embarrassing growing up, but it was more along the lines of black-socks-with-tennis-shoes kind of embarrassing. This isn’t even in the same fucking ballpark. He would have never pilfered my diary and attempted to read it to the entire world so he could turn a quick buck. But that’s because he can still see his reflection in a mirror and doesn’t burst into flames at the sight of a Cross of the Holy Father Benedict. Lindsay should just be glad the “pull down her pants in front of the entire middle school for twenty bucks” ship already sailed ten years ago.

Pics from the Vanity Fair interview Sonya told you about yesterday, plus a couple of her last night:

PHOTO SOURCE: Fame Pictures, Vanity Fair

Paris Hilton is now staring down the barrel of one to four years in jail for felony possession of a controlled substance after being busted with cocaine last week. The District Attorney made it clear he was not interested in plea bargaining and wasted no time filing a case against her, setting her arraignment for October 27, apparently unfazed by her airtight alibi or her slew of star witnesses. Like Paris’ hair stylist (the gay poor man’s Fabio), who has come forward to testify that she did not “have time” for cocaine. A common lament among would-be drug users. If only there were more hours in the day! Radar Online says:

Paris Hilton’s hair stylist Michael Boychuck [says] that Hilton “wants everyone to know she does not do drugs and does not have time for that.

The cocaine they found did not belong to her. She would never do drugs or anything else for that matter to destroy what she’s worked so hard for.

I’ve known Paris for 18 years and can honestly say I’ve never seen her use drugs,” Boychuck continued.

I don’t think the lispy testimony of a celebrity hair stylist is gonna cut it. This is Vegas, not L.A. They don’t cotton to that “but I’m famous!” shit in Nevada. They might tell you “what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas” on the commercials, but they neglect to mention that staying might actually be in a 8 x 10 holding cell.

It’s amazing what makeup and photoshop will do for a mare girl. Here’s Hilary Swank looking downright pretty in September’s InStyle Magazine. But even the photographers had the horse sense during this photo shoot to connect Hilary back to her equine roots. Notice the caption that says “Close Range”? Where, may I ask, do young fillies like to roam? And what horse will say no to a nice, juicy apple? So, who agrees with me? Stomp your hoof once for yes, two for no.