The National Enquirer broke a story earlier this week that former “Cosby Show” star Raven-Symoné is a lesbian and dating “America’s Next Top Model’s” AzMarie Livingston. Never one to back down from a fight (or a buffet), Raven took to Twitter to set the record straight. Kinda. She said (via MTV.com):

I’m living my PERSONAL life the way I’m happiest. I’m not one, in my 25 year career to disclose who I’m dating and I shall not start now. My sexual orientation is mine, and the person I’m datings to know. I’m not one for a public display of my life.

It is my right as a HUMAN BEing whether straight or gay. To tell or not to tell. As long as I’m not harming anyone. I am a light being made from love. And my career is the only thing I would like to put on display, not my personal life. Kisses!

Forget the whole lesbian thing — I’m still reeling from “I’m a light being made from love.” Are you fucking kidding me with that shit? You can’t say something like that and NOT expect a public outpouring of derision and contempt! It’s the same reason you don’t wear a fanny pack or tuck your pants into your socks. It’s an open invitation for an ass-kicking.

As if you needed a reason to look at pics of former Sports Illustrated cover girl Irina Shayk. (Moe Jackson)

Why it’s a good idea to skip Arby’s for lunch. Unless Arby’s wants to advertise on our site, in which case I advocate Arby’s for breakfast, lunch and dinner! (Hollywood Rag)

The “Anchorman 2″ teaser trailer is finally here! Smelly pirate hookers of the world rejoice. (Seriously? OMG)

How the hell is Diane Kruger making her boobs do that? Is she magic? (popoholic)

Dog the Bounty Hunter is getting real-life death threats. I assume it has something to do with the unholy color of his hair. (Bitten & Bound)

Gasp — are Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez really breaking up? Oh, fractious day! (That Gossip Site)

Laughter is the best medicine… so you should look at some funny pictures and tell your boss you’re doing it for your health as part of your long-term plan to lower insurance premiums and ultimately save the company money. (Caveman Circus)

Tilda Swinton as a tranny on the cover of Candy, the world’s first tranny magazine. Really. (Hollywood PQ)

Video of Henry Rollins wrestling an alligator! Because why wouldn’t he be wrestling an alligator? He’s Henry fucking Rolllins! (Pop Candy)

You might not know who this chick is, but she’s a model and her name is Oceana. She’s the closest thing you’ll get to an actual mermaid on a Friday afternoon. (G Celeb)

Rihanna’s tube top is really more of a tube bra. (The Grumpiest)

And speaking of Rihanna, her friends are claiming she’s spiraling out of control on the express train to Whitney Houston-ville. (Evil Beet)

Cheryl Cole says everyone should forgive Chris Brown for that beating he gave Rihanna. Okay, but she can’t seriously expect us to forgive him for “Yeah 3X.” (Holy Moly!)

There’s a reason Chico’s and Coldwater Creek don’t sell string bikinis, people. See Exhibit A: Sharon Stone on the beach in Venice. Gross. Once you hit the half-a-decade mark, you have no business EVER showing your midsection in public. Put that shit under a caftan and stuff it in some support hose and a pair of orthopedic shoes where it belongs.

There are plenty of ways to ruin a good topless shot other than just covering up your tits. You could wear a stupid-looking fez, for instance. You could make sure the pic was low-res and grainy. You could hide the photo in a gay men’s magazine between an article about summer-weight cashmere and the best place to get a mani-pedi in Mykonos. Lucky for us, Rihanna already covered all her bases.

In the July issue of Esquire UK:

A FOURTH man has now come forward alleging that he was sexually assaulted by John Travolta, only this guy is a personal trainer instead of a masseur or a cabin boy on a cruise ship. Radar Online says:

“The gym employee/personal trainer says that John Travolta groped and fondled him against his will,” a source close to the situation [said].

The trainer claims he would open the gym after hours for Travolta when he was on location for a film shoot.

“The gym was opened as a courtesy to John Travolta so that he could avoid the public yet maintain his fitness in this physically challenging role that he was doing at the time.”

In the grand scheme of things, though, “groping and fondling someone against their will” is still better than “performing oral sex on them while they’re asleep,” which is how he sprung his gayness on his “Grease” co-star Jeff Conway. The Daily Mail says:

Travolta allegedly tried to perform the sex act at Conaway’s home in the 1990s, Conaway’s former fiancée told the National Enquirer.

She said that her partner, who played Kenickie in the 1978 hit movie, was so upset with the incident it ended his long-term friendship with the star.

[She claims] Conaway made the claim in a suicide note that was left after a failed bid to kill himself in 2006.

There’s a T-Birds and T-Bagging joke in here somewhere, but it was two-for-ones down at the bowling alley and now my brain hurts when I think. Sorry about that. Just give me a courtesy chuckle, I’ll deftly avoid any eye contact, and we can both be on our way and forget this ever happened. Just pretend we’re Johnny Depp and the last three “Pirates of the Caribbean.”

Britney Spears looks like a forty-something day shift stripper who’s been up for the last 36 hours straight doing meth in a Days Inn with two truckers she met at a rest stop in Bristol. (Hollywood Rag)

If Miley Cyrus’ shorts were any higher on her body, they’d be under her chin. (Moe Jackson)

Disco queen Donna Summer died today at the age of 63. Now I have a perfectly good reason for wearing sequined satin hot pants all day. (Celebitchy)

GTK — Miley Cyrus doesn’t swallow. (Celeb Slam)

Nicole Scherzinger had someone make her a dress out of a gate and let a nearsighted tranny do her makeup. (The Blemish)

Pictures of Seinfeld’s J. Peterman feeling up 80′s supermodel Christie Brinkley. Old people have urges too, I guess. (Hollywood Tuna)

Matt Damon might as well be part Orc with that shaved head. He looks awful bald. (Right Celebrity)

How to be awkward at a bar! Lucky for me, I don’t need any help in that department. (College Candy)

The Ladies of the IFBB NY Pro Bikini contest. Did you hear that? They’re pros! (Busted Coverage)

Your daily dose of Ryan Gosling, because he’s also pretty on the inside. (Evil Beet)

Was there ever a famous painting NOT improved by cats? (Ned Hardy)

Print this out and keep it in your wallet just in case you’re the first human ever to make alien contact. You’ll be glad you did. You don’t wanna be known as “that guy who fucked it up for Earth.” (Caveman Circus)

Big, important news today — former Playmate of the Year Jenny McCarthy will be putting her puss back on display for the jerk-off mag that made her a household name back in the nineties. That ought to cure her kid’s autism right there. Star Pulse says:

Jenny McCarthy is baring all again for Playboy one more time as she prepares to celebrate her 40th birthday in November.

The model and actress kicked off her career with a Playboy pictorial in 1993 and went on to become that year’s Playmate of the Year. She has returned for spreads in the men’s magazine over the years and… will now appear naked in the July 2012 issue of the magazine.

Playboy is so damn heavy-handed with the airbrushing that the only way you’ll be able to distinguish whether the naked pictures you’re looking at are of Jenny McCarthy at age 24 or Jenny McCarthy at age 40 is by the amount of pubic hair she’s sporting. She’s got enough growth in the ’93 pictures to actually cast a pubic hair shadow. So the more hair you see, the younger she is in the photo. It’s sorta like counting rings on a tree, except way sexier.

Obviously NSFW old Playboy pics here + more pics of her at Upfronts after the jump:

(more…)

I’m all for diet and exercise, but Miley Cyrus has lost so much weight that her head-to-body ratio is all wrong. Her head looks freakishly large, like the vertebrae in her neck might telescope at any moment under the strain of such an enormous load. She looks like a marionette minus the strings.

I remember a time when people still thought Sacha Baron Cohen was funny. I also remember a time when I could make love to a man without compulsively pulling out all my eyelashes the next morning. Unfortunately for both of us, that day was not today.

Promoting “The Dictator” in Cannes by having Elisabetta Canalis pretend to laugh at his wiener and kick him in the nads so he can pretend to toss her dead body overboard in a garbage bag (more pics after the jump):

(more…)

Hot on the heels of being named Forbes’ Most Powerful Celebrity of 2012, 42-year old Jennifer Lopez has decided to leave the show that single-handedly resurrected her floundering career and landed her endorsement deals with both L’Oreal and Gillette. So why pass on another twenty-million dollar American Idol paycheck? Two words: Enrique Iglesias. Seriously. Us Magazine says:

This summer, [Lopez] will embark on a 20-city tour of the U.S. and Latin America with Enrique Iglesias with dates that conflict with Idol’s pre-taping schedule; she’s also in the midst of recording a new album [and] numerous film projects… including a role in this summer’s Ice Age 4: Continental Drift.

Passing on twenty million for Enrique fucking Iglesias? He doesn’t even have the mole anymore! At best, you’re looking at one, maybe two mil for him on the black market. That’s a little too much risk and not enough return if you ask me.

In the June issue of Vogue magazine:

Queen Latifah and the case for not coming out. (Jezebel)

This right here is why I love Charlize Theron. That she’s a fellow stoner and absolutely gorgeous is just icing on the cake. (Celebitchy)

Imogen Thomas’ rack is huge. That’s really all you need to know here. (G Celeb)

Cameron Diaz in a see-through dress… but there isn’t anything sexy about it. (The Grumpiest)

I swear this bitch is 38 if she’s a day. (The Dirty)

Twenty sexy Jessica Alba magazine covers, in case you wanted to re-wallpaper your room. (CityRag)

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in an outfit made of nothing but spandex and lycra. (popoholic)

Michael Fassbender of the Huge Dong in this month’s GQ magazine. No, there’s no pictures of his dong. I already checked. (popbytes)

At first I thought this was the sexiest janitorial staff I’d ever seen, but then I realized it was People in Espanol’s 50 Most Beatiful awards. My mistake. (Moe Jackson)

Michelle Pfeiffer retains her hotness, even at 50-something. (Hollywood Rag)

One hundred and twenty-one of the sexiest Megan Fox instagram photos, if you want to bask in empty vanity for a while. (COED Magazine)

When properly attired in a tiny red dress and high heels, Hayden Panettiere can look pretty hot. (Bitten & Bound)

Hey, look! For once, Kesha doesn’t look like a hot bag of squashed crap. I’ll be damned. (Evil Beet)

You’ll remember Bo Derek’s braids and bathing suit from the iconic movie “Ten.” And now here’s the Courtney Stodden version, “Maybe a Six in Bar Lighting.”