This is Daiana Ygropoulou (pronounced “Nice Rack”) in the November ‘09 issue of Greek Nitro Magazine.  I’ve never heard of Dalailama Youngroupooloop or Nitro Magazine, but I didn’t see the point in asking questions and neither should you.

Check it out nerdlingers, this must be the best day of your life because here’s a matched pair of Princess Leias in their gold bikinis. (AgentBedhead)

Jon Hamm has always been a pretty, pretty man. (LitelySalted)

Katy Perry had a busy, fug-filled night in Germany. (GoFugYourself)

Megan Fox doesn’t have any friends because of her daddy issues.  Or because she’s goddamn retarded and annoying as hell.  You know, whichever. (Celebitchy)

And just think: Brian Austin Green has to listen to Megan Fox yammer all day long. (IDLYITW)

If you’ve always wanted to stink like burnt leather, ballsweat and STDs, Pamela Anderson has just the perfume for you. (Popbytes)

Oh look, it’s Jessica Alba’s ass. (Celebslam)

Australia doesn’t like that Britney Spears lip-syncs in concert and still charges up to $1300/ticket.  I’m guessing they’re also pissed because she marches around braless with her droopy tits sagging up the joint. (EvilBeet)

Olivia Munn makes dorks happy. (CelebNewsWire)

Suri Cruise makes friends with a real live human child. (LaineyGossip)

Jennifer Lopez apparently has a 12-year-old, 11-hour-long sex tape made with her first husband Ojani Noa.  I can’t imagine why anyone would care, since nobody gives a shit about Jennifer Lopez. (Bumpshack)

I don’t know why Marisa Miller posted these pictures on her blog, but I also don’t care because her breasts are pretty much the most interesting thing that’s happened all damn day.

Sarah Jessica Parker loves the smell of dirty diapers.

No, for realsies.  It says so in Us Weekly, and if you can’t trust Us Weekly, then… well actually, you totally can’t trust Us Weekly at all.  But Parker did say this:

“I love the smell of diapers,” she tells the December issue of Elle magazine.

Parker has been on double diaper duty after the arrival of her twin daughters Marion Loretta and Tabitha Hodge — who were delivered by a surrogate earlier this year — and she doesn’t mind at all.

“I even like when they’re wet and you smell them all warm like a baked good,” the Sex and the City star, 44, says, adding that she even says she loves “the smell of Balmex,” a diaper rash cream.

Gross.  Like a baked good?  The hell kinda pastries does this woman eat?  Listen, the least disgusting thing that children ever smell of is drool, so this is basically like someone saying their favourite perfume is Eau de Merde.  Which… different strokes, I guess, but dayum.

In the December ‘09 issue of Elle Magazine:

Ugh.  That Other Kardashian (not the preggo and not the one with the ass; the Amazonian one) went on Chelsea Handler’s show with her pretend husband, and this ridiculous shit happened:

They got married just a month after they met, and now just another month later, Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian look to be wasting little time taking another big step.

Appearing on E!’s Chelsea Lately, Kardashian, 25, was asked by host Chelsea Handler if she was pregnant yet, like sister Kourtney.

It was Odom who answered: “Soon.”

“You planning on having a baby soon?” Handler asked. “You want to do that right away?”

“I do,” said Odom, 30.

And Kardashian’s answer? “Okay,” she says.

Look, I don’t really care if two clinically retarded people whore themselves and their fake TV marriage out to anyone who will listen so they can make easy money and never have to get real jobs.  I mean, it’s cheap and disgusting, but so is most of Hollywood so I just can’t be bothered to get worked up about it.  But please, for the love of all that is holy, can’t the fates intervene and somehow arrange it so these two get trapped in an industrial sized microwave for approximately eight hours, or however long it might take to fully irradiate their reproductive organs?  I really feel like that’s not a lot to ask, here.

Leaving the E! studios after their appearance on Chelsea Lately:

Hello my lovelies, it’s Sarah.  I’m sorry to do this to you, but sometimes life is pain.  These are pictures of walking vomitorium Russell Brand picking up girlfriend Katy Perry at the airport in London, where she flew after performing at the 2009 MTV Europe Music Awards in Berlin.  I seriously don’t get these two.  First off, Russell Brand is goddamn disgusting and I’d rather stick my tongue in the toilet of a truck stop bathroom than anywhere on his person or even in his general vicinity.  Secondly, Katy Perry isn’t ugly, but she dresses like a six-year-old with special needs and she’s talentless and annoying and has exactly two points in her favour, both of which she insists on covering up pretty much all the time.

Actually nevermind, it turns out they’re kind of perfect for each other.

Brand picking up Perry at Heathrow airport:

Perry performing at the MTV Europe Music Awards:

Boy, the last time I saw abs like these, it was this morning and I was looking in a mirror. But I can’t go around looking in a mirror all day, now can I? It’s just not practical. And you wouldn’t believe how hard it makes navigating a school zone. That’s why I’m glad that Mila Jovovich decided to show hers off in Italian Maxim. Involuntary manslaughter and vehicular homicide charges can really cramp a girl with rockin abs’ style.

Find out why Sandra Bullock is suing a porn star! And no, it’s not because the porn star was unintentionally funnier in “Clitty Clitty Bang Bang” than Sandra was in “All About Steve.” (Celebitchy)

Brad Pitt has dingleberries in his billy goat muff. (Litely Salted)

Natalie Portman and Padma Lakshmi have dirty minds! (Celebrity Odor)

Ernest Hemigway’s great-granddaughter gets naked for the camera. The bell tolls for thee, bitches! (CityRag)

Blake Lively in a bustier in Marie Claire magazine. (Moe Jackson)

Watch part one of Rihanna’s Good Morning America interview where she says she’s “ashamed and embarrassed.” But not by her hair, apparently. (Socialite Life)

Mini-Me is a homicidal psychopath, according to the California legal system. (Hollywood Rag)

Steve Guttenberg refuses to fade away gracefully — and it’s called “Three Men and a Bride.” (Holy Moly)

Miranda Kerr in the November issue of CS magazine. (use my computer)

Sophie Reade has gigantic boobs. That is all. (Dirty Rotten Whore)

Find out what Carrie Prejean has to say about her fledgling porn career on the Today Show. (The Dirty)

Britney Spears goes braless, and her nipples go due south. Yuck. (Hollywood PQ)

October might be over, but it’s never to later to rocktober out with your cocktober out with these Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame performances. (Thighs Wide Shut)

All the Carmen Electra you can stand. (Rod Ryan)

Girls of the Sybian sans top. (Howard Stern)

Heidi Klum deemed to fat to walk the runway at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show! (The Blemish)

Rachel Bilson sexes it up in the November issue of Flaunt magazine, and boy, is flaunt ever right. Rawr. She’s like a (NSFW) young Sophia Loren, that one. I still can’t believe someone as hot as she is is engaged to the douchebag that forever ruined Darth Vader. It’s like finding out Princess Leia married Jar Jar fucking Binks. Blasphemy!

Miss California Carrie Prejean was demanding over a million dollars in compensatory damages from pageant officials in a lawsuit last month — that is, until Pageant attorneys showed Carrie they were in possession of her sex tape. According to TMZ

The video the lawyer showed Carrie is extremely graphic and has never been released publicly. We know that, because TMZ obtained the video months ago but decided not to post it because it was so racy. Let’s just say, Carrie has a promising solo career.

We’re told it took about 15 seconds for Carrie to jettison her demand and essentially walk away. She pocketed nothing in the settlement.

So when it happens to David Letterman, it’s extortion that merits FBI intervention and jail time. When Carrie Prejean is blackmailed out of a million-dollar settlement with a sex tape, it’s just “legal negotiations.” I see. I’ll have to remember that when I show that girl from HR the secret camera-phone footage I took of her on the crapper last week.

Annoyingly censored topless pics before she got the fake titties:

Kim Kardashian posted a picture of herself with a big black eye on her official website yesterday. That’s big black eye, not “big black guy.” That really wouldn’t be newsworthy at all, now would it? Star Magazine says

The Keeping Up with the Kardashians star agreed to participate in a boxing match on Tuesday to raise money for The Dream Foundation, but she left with a shiner when her opponent punched her in the eye.

“At the end of the day, we did this for charity and that’s what counts,” Kim posted on her Web site Wednesday. “But man, my girl could throw a punch! Look at my black eye!!!”

I bet this marks the first time that Kim’s taken it in the face in front of a video camera without having to be on her knees with her mouth wide open. This has got to be one for the books, people!

The Atlanta stripper who claimed to have had a one-night stand with a very-married Josh Duhamel didn’t just pass a lie-detector test last week — turns out she is also in possession of several racy texts sent from the Transformers star himself that categorically corroborate the alleged affair. It also helps that Josh went around the set of his new movie blathering about it to anyone who’d listen. Us Magazine says

Nicole Forrester didn’t seek out the the National Enquirer in hopes of a payday.

“Josh bragged about what happened on the set of his movie [Life As We Know It], and someone called the Enquirer with the tip,” [Forrester's lawyer said]. “The Enquirer then came to Nicole.”

Various women across the country have now come forth to claim their own dubious sexcapades with Duhamel, 34.

On Oct. 30, a woman named Serena called in [to a San Francisco radio station] to say that while the then-engaged actor was filming the Transformers sequel at a New Mexico Air Force base in 2008, he slept with her best friend who was stationed there.

I think the lie-detector test and the texts pretty well seal the deal. The only way that stripper could be more convincing is if she also had a signed and dated photo of the actor which read “I put my wiener inside you and moved it in and out, Love Josh Duhamel.” And with his stellar track record for subterfuge, I wouldn’t necessarily rule that possibility out yet. Remember, celebrities are notoriously fucking stupid. It’s the only reason I have a job.

Speaking of stupid celebrities, Lady Gaga in SoHo in a bra and g-string and lace table cloth: