The little guys on the trophy: “Yippie, We’re standing next to Mariah’s boobs.”

I couldn’t stop laughing when I heard that a group of James Bond fans have launched a website to protest British actor Daniel Craig replacing Pierce Brosnan in the 007 film franchise, and boycott Casino Royale, the forthcoming Bond movie.

“EON Productions angered fans around the world when they fired Pierce Brosnan at the height of his popularity as Bond,” said a statement on the site. “To add insult to injury, EON cast a short, blond, odd-looking Daniel Craig in the role of Bond. Craig, described by The New York Times as having a ‘pale, flattened face and large, fleshy ears’ is a terrible choice for Bond. If EON Productions and Sony Pictures will not accept they’ve made a big mistake, then Bond fans promise to boycott Casino Royale!”

What a bunch of idiots. If they’re not happy with the casting, why the hell did they wait so long before protesting? Anyway, these morons’ cause is pathetic because James Bond movies became tacky when Sean Connery left the role. It was 40 years ago.

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The Jamaican Cinematograph Authority is expected to decide today whether it will allow Brokeback Mountain to be screened in the country. The movie is due to open at a single theater in the Kingston suburb of Liguanea on Wednesday but the romantic film concerning two gay cowboys has faced concerted opposition from the country’s clergy.

“We don’t want people to support the showing of this movie here, because it would send the wrong message to the public,” an official of the Fellowship Tabernacle in Kingston, told today’s Jamaican Observer. Elder Allan Russell at the Emmanuel Apostolic Church said that the film represented an effort by Hollywood to “indoctrinate the world to a most sinful act” and warned that it should be barred “before any further damage can be done to the minds of our people.”

I didn’t even know that any more damage could be done to the minds of Jamaican people. Weed destroyed most of their brain cells a long time ago. How else could you explain the fact they took an Ethiopian dictator as their spiritual leader?

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Or she paid a little visit to the plastic surgeon. Anyway, the result is the same: she’s fuglier than ever.

Actress Rebecca Romijn says she got sacked from her first job at a poultry shop for stealing chickens. But not before she had the time to learn to bone a chicken breast in seven seconds. She says:

“When I first got there, the guy who was training me said, ‘You can take one of these for lunch if you want.’ I was like, ‘Really? Everyday?’ and he said, ‘Just be cool about it.’ So I took one every day. I would just go out to my car and turn on my old-school hip-hop and eat my chicken. Finally one day the boss came and knocked on my window and said, ‘You’ve been taking chicken every day since you’ve worked here.’ I told her they were delicious and she said, ‘You’re fired.’”

I used to work at Wal-Mart as a shop assistant when I was a young buccaneer. One day, my father told me it was okay to steal from to riches to give to the poor. So I stole money in the cash box and gave it to myself since I was poor. I got fired, but I could care less because I felt like Robin Hood.

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Jennifer Love Hewitt definitely needs a new stylist. The actress was recently seen in public wearing a dress made out of curtains. [The Bastardly]

Some news from the trailer park: An UFO just landed on Britney Spears‘ head. And Sean Preston’s mouth looks like a boomerang. [Hollywood Rag]

Who had the wonderful idea of putting Mischa Barton next to Kelly Osbourne? It makes Kelly look even uglier. [Hollywoodtuna]

These pics did nothing for me but you may like them. If watching Carmen Electra kissing an old tranny on French TV is your thing, that is.

More disgusting pics after the jump.

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Sissy fighters 50 Cent and his protégé-turned-nemesis, The Game, are feuding over the affections of R&B star Mya.

“In Fitty’s latest diss track targeting Game, ‘Not Rich - Still Lying,’ he says he was ‘with’ Mya before The Game was. Previously, The Game rapped about wanting to date Mya in his video for ‘Dreams,’ in which she also appeared. A friend of Mya insisted to PAGE SIX that the sexy songbird has not hooked up with either rapper.”

When I was a young pirate, I used to offer flowers and wear my most polite parrot on my shoulder to seduce women. Now the only way those rappers can get women is by saying fuck and motherfuck. I hope a tenth bullet will soon shut 50 Cent up for good. Oh, and The Game should go play elsewhere. On Planet Mars, to be precise.

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Mick Jagger, the papa who was a rolling stone, nearly caused a riot yesterday when he tried to visit his son, Lucas, 6, at his school in Sao Paulo, Brazil.

“Spywitnesses say the wrinkled Rolling Stone, clad in Bermuda shorts and sunglasses, was mobbed by fans and photographers outside the entrance to the posh St. Paul’s day school and had to flee in his Jaguar. Clearly terrified, the tearful tyke was driven away in a Volvo by his mother, Brazilian model-turned-TV-host Luciana Gimenez. Jagger and his bandmates had just performed a free concert for more than a million fans on the city’s Copacabana Beach.”

I also felt like a rock star last week. I nearly caused a riot when I went to the local grocery store. By the time I realized I had forgotten to put my pants on, people were screaming like they were at a Rolling Stones concert. Dude, it was cool.

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Because unlike me, Hollywood stars can afford not to freeze their asses off in New York during the cold winter months.

Cameron Diaz nearly died after a bird crashed through her car windscreen. The actress, who was travelling in the passenger’s seat, was showered with glass when the bird hit the front window at high speed on a highway in England. A worker at the garage where the vehicle is being repaired told a British magazine:

“All you had to do was look at the damage to the windscreen to realise there had been one hell of an impact. I thought someone had thrown a brick from a bridge or something.”

Some time ago, I was on the road in Australia and there was this ostrich running in front of my car. I thought it was quite funny, until the beast shitted in front of me and covered the car windscreen with tons of poo. Thanks to my driving skills I escaped death. Damn you, stupid bird!

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The only reason you would want to date Haylie Duff is because she’s Hilary’s sister. The other reason is that you have a “pointy nose up my ass” fetish. [The Bastardly]

Venus Williams and Butterface Fergie teamed up to pose in a series of fugly pictures that make me want to puke. [A Socialite's Life]

Victoria Beckham brings skiwear to a whole new level of prostitution. [Hollywoodtuna]