Justin Timberlake has just signed for his first leading role in a Hollywood movie. The singer will have to work out to play a Rambo-style American Iraq War hero in “Stop Loss.” The producers were worried Justin wouldn’t be macho enough to convince us he was a tough soldier but he convinced them to take a gamble on him. A source says:

“Justin is thrilled about getting his first leading role. It is a huge challenge for him and he’s excited as well as nervous. And I’m assured the album is coming, too. Justin will have to work quickly to finish the songs. He has been in the studio but he won’t have much time once he starts filming.”

It’s like giving the leading role of the upcoming Wolverine movie to Mr Bean. Well, that would be funny at least. Justin is not my hero and I don’t think there are heroes in Iraq. Only poor guys getting killed for nothing.

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Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson. No, it must be Paris Hilton. Damn, I think it’s Brittany Murphy. Or Tara Reid? Who the hell is that bitch anyway? [The Bastardly]

After the Girls Gone Wild, here comes the Girls Gone Weed. [Cityrag]

Here’s a video of the ‘South Park’ episode where Chef gets killed. Now that was some send off. [A Socialite's Life]

That’s all for today mighty pirates! Have a nice weekend and don’t sell your soul to Xenu.

Pink, the ugliest pop singer ever, has revealed that as a youngster she used to take heroin. She told The Sun:

“Heroin is a horrible thing. I’ve seen first hand what it can do to people and it’s not pretty. I was never that much in to it to need treatment. But if you’re talking about drugs — you name it, I took it.

Another publicity stunt from Pink. No one cares she took drugs because she’s not Lindsay Lohan and she will never be. She could die of a heroin overdose, I would be as sad as a man who won the lottery. Yeah, that means I would be happy.

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Hint: Readers of gay magazine Diva recently voted her their number one girl-on-girl fantasy.

More pics and the answer after the jump.

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Pete Doherty caused chaos when he left court yesterday after pleading guilty to possession of heroin, crack and cannabis:

As he barged through the 50-strong crowd of paparazzi and reporters outside Thames Magistrates Court in east London he climbed onto a wall, kicked a reporter’s microphone and aimed another kick at a photographer. He then clambered over the boot of his Jaguar to get to the driving seat and nearly knocked over a passer-by as he sped off.

Like I told you before, Pete is my hero. Usually it takes years of practice to become a ninja, but all Pete has to do is take some heroin and smoke some weed and there he goes, climbing walls and kicking a paparazzo’s ass.

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Jessica Alba is taking her prudish nature to a whole new level, swearing off nude scenes and sexy roles. If that’s true, it means we may never see her in a movie again. [Egotastic!]

Someone had the bad idea of bringing snakes on a plane. Fortunately, Samuel L. Jackson was aboard. Have a look at the art for “Snakes on a Plane”. [Entertainment Weekly]

See Christina Aguilera as a blow-up sex doll. South Park style. [omg]

“South Park” creators got their revenge on Isaac Hayes by turning his character Chef into a paedophile and killing him off in yesterday’s episode. Hayes didn’t participate in making this episode but the lines appeared to be patched together through tapes of past dialogue. Here’s a recap:

Chef arrives after travelling the world with the Super Adventure Club and repeatedly tells the children he wants to “make sweet love” to them. The children take him to a psychiatrist and then a strip club, where he remembers his love for women and is cured. But he is brainwashed by the Super Adventure Club again - before falling off a bridge and being burned, stabbed and mauled by a lion and a grizzly bear.

At his funeral, one of the children says: “A lot of us don’t agree with the choices the Chef has made in the last few days. Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us. But we can’t let the events of the past few weeks take away the memories of how Chef made us smile.”

It was quite funny, but we’ve lost one of the coolest cartoon character ever. After Jessica Rabbit, of course.

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K-Fed reportedly gave his locks for an organisation that uses real hair to make wigs for children with cancer. The dumbass, who’s trying to launch a rap career, is said to hope his gift to Locks of Love will help advertise his upcoming album. A source said:

“He supports the cause and hopes it will help promote his new album.”

He should have donated his locks to me. I could have made a great squeegee out of them.

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I enjoyed her performance in Mulholland Drive. Did I mention the boobies?

More stuff after the jump.

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Lindsay Lohan, who had battled bulimia speculation following her drastic weight loss last year, claims her shrinking stature is the result of a simple desire to slim down. She says:

“I wanted to get rid of a few pounds, that’s all. Image is important but that’s not why I lost weight. I just like to look good and be healthy.”

The good thing is that she doesn’t need to spend money on a Halloween costume because she already looks like a skeleton. Poor girl. She’s so skinny she could land a role in Evil dead 4.

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Snoop Dogg stared at Mariah Carey’s boobs during the shooting of her new video. It was a sagging moment. [Hollywoodtuna]

Since she went blonde and now that her hot sister Jessica is out of the media picture, Ashlee Simpson is ready to become the new dumb blonde everyone loves to hate. [The Bastardly]

Being hugged by Tom Cruise will give you the feeling of being Oprah’s couch. [Cityrag]

Haylie Duff’s nose is so long she can pleasure herself with it.