Brad Pitt, who was once dubbed the “Sexiest Man Alive” by various magazines, has recently been named on a list of the “100 Unsexiest Men in the World” because he smells so bad. The actor, who used to make girls wet their pants, has made the shameful list because of bad hygiene rumors.

The unflattering poll, which also includes Jerry Seinfeld, ‘Tonight Show’ presenter Jay Leno and Osama Bin Laden, is topped by the US comedian Gilbert Gottfried. Britney Spear’s hubby Kevin Federline also managed to make the gruesome list coming in at number 99 - one spot ahead of Pitt.

These men rule. It is a well-known fact that dirt obstructs the skin pores, thus preventing diseases from entering the body. Stay away from the shower, and you will live longer.

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As you probably noticed, I’m having trouble with my server and the site has been down since yesterday. If things don’t get better, I’ll move the mothership over to a new host. If you know a serious (and I mean it) hosting solution, feel free to contact me. Whatever happens, I’ll be back om Monday, snarkier than ever. Arrr!

I used to worship Tiffani-Amber Thiessen when she starred as Kelly Kapowski on “Saved by the Bell.” That was before her head got bigger than her body, Big up to my bastardly friends for bringing back old memories. [The Bastardly]

Brooke Shields‘ baby is ready to kick Holmes-Cruise baby’s ass. [Cityrag]

Sienna Miller is getting death threats from Muslim fundamentalist groups because she’s starring in a controversial movie. I’m not a big fan of Sienna, but I will go see her movie to show support for the freedom of expression. [Egotastic!]

Danielle Fishel, aka Topanga, was recently spotted at a Lakers game. She’s not very difficult to spot, if you ask me.

Topanga reveals all after the jump.

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Mandy Moore has kicked her parents out of her California home, because they over-stayed their welcome. The singer/actress and her family relocated from Florida three years ago and her parents moved in with her when she brought a luxury Los Angeles property. But the 22-year-old is keen to become independent and is looking forward to having more space to herself. She says:

“My parents moved in with me, I’m very close with my family, but the time came about a year ago to actually kick my parents out - because it’s my house! So I had to have the awkward talk with them like, ‘I think it’s about time you guys moved back to Florida,’ which is where I grew up. Not only did they lose me, they lost my younger brother who was going to live with me as well, and stay in the house. They became homeless and empty-nesters at the same time.”

How ironic. Usually, it’s the parents who kick their children out of their house. For me it was quite different because I accidentally burned their house down. So the whole family became homeless at the same time.

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I celebrated Easter and all I got is a chocolate egg. Damn, and to think Evangeline is having sex with a hobbit. That’s disgusting.

More bunnies after the jump.

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Troubled rocker Pete Doherty already spent two weeks in jail earlier this year awaiting sentence on drug charges but he wants more. The Sun reports that he’s planning a Johnny Cash-style gig for inmates. A pal of Pete revealed:

“Pete knows the staff and some inmates from his stays and thinks it will be good for prison morale. He loves the idea of making it into a prison tour and recording the shows.”

I think it’s a good thing for Pete. He better get used to prison life because he’s probably going to spend some years behind the bars if he keeps getting busted with more drugs than a pharmacy.

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Jennifer Love Hewitt poses for a magazine nobody reads. She should just do Playboy, goddamnit. [The Bastardly]

Jack White already sold his soul to the devil, but now it gets worse: he sold his soul to Coca-Cola. [A Socialite's Life]

Lindsay Lohan attempts to flirt with the cameras but fails miserably by making the world’s worst wink ever. [Hollywoodtuna]

Kelly Clarkson is so ugly that when she comes out of the water, everybody screams “Free Willy!”

More nature’s wonder after the jump.

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A legal action brought by Joseph Bartucci, a 39-year-old man who accused Michael Jackson of sexually assaulting him in a limousine in 1984, has been dismissed by a federal judge.

A judge says he tossed out a 22-year-old kidnapping and molestation claim against Michael Jackson because the pop star proved he was miles away from where the abduction allegedly occurred. U.S. District Judge Eldon Fallon dismissed the case last Thursday. The reasons for his decision were posted Tuesday on the court’s Web site. Joseph Bartucci Jr. had claimed that he was forced into a white limousine on May 19, 1984, during the New Orleans World’s Fair, and driven to California while being molested, held at gunpoint and cut with steel wire and a razor blade. Bartucci claimed he did not recover memories of the assault until 2003.

Michael Jackson’s penis can’t teleport itself to molest children yet. Fear the day when technology will make it possible, kids.

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Yesterday, you saw pictures of Scarlett Johansson in a bikini. Today, I bring you pictures of a younger Scarlett. Nice pics, but I prefer the grown-up, big boobed version.

One more pic after the jump.

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The Tomkitten has finally arrived but Brooke Shields has beaten Tom Cruise to the delivery. Brooke had a baby girl, Grier Hammond, just hours before Tom’s bride-to-be, Katie Holmes, delivered her own baby, Suri. Here’s a blast from the past:

Last year Brooke and Tom, who appeared together in the 1981 film ‘Endless Love,’ traded barbs in the media over Shields’ use of psychiatric drugs while suffering from post-partum depression. Cruise, a staunch critic of psychiatry, believes the ailment can be treated through exercise and vitamins.

Grier Hammond? Suri? I think the ones who will suffer from depression will be the children when they’ll find out they bear stupid names.

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