Emma: When I grow up, I want to snort lines and get wasted like Lindsay Lohan.
Her friends: We love you, Firecrotch!

Sexy actress Anne Hathaway revealed co-star Stanley Tucci, who plays a gay man in their new movie “The Devil Wears Prada”, couldn’t keep his hands off her on the film set because he was fascinated with her breasts. She explains:

“There was this one day where he kept elbowing me in the breast. He wasn’t doing it to be like a dirty old man, but if we were doing a scene or I was just crossing to get to my mark (on the set) he would just smack me in my boob and elbow me. If you’re a girl you know that hurts. So, after about the fourth time, I finally turned to him and said: ‘Stanley can you please stay away from my tits?’ Stanley got really flustered and he said: ‘What do you expect, you’re flinging those melons around like it’s harvest season!’”

As he said that, his little carrot turned into a huge cucumber.

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Evangeline: Dominic, where are you my little hobbit? Come back, I’ll let you play with my geezer!

The search continues after the jump.

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Lindsay Lohan couln’t keep her mind on Prince as he played a private gig at Butter last Friday. When she saw Paris Hilton, who has been hissing at Lohan since she found out the “Praire Home Companion” actress was hanging out with the hotel heiress’ ex Stavros Niarchos, she saw red. Things got even worse when Sean (Diddy) Combs joined the party.

“Lindsay followed Paris to the bathroom,” a witness tells us. “They had a huge fight.” After having words, Lohan returned to her table to find that hip-hop mogul Diddy had been seated with her group. She kidded with him, asking what he was doing at her table. “He didn’t realize she was joking,” says a source, “and he then yelled at her and told her to get out.” Diddy “was really mean to her,” says another source, who claims one of Puffy’s bodyguards lifted up Lindsay, and the rapper himself got into a scuffle with a Lohan pal who defended her. Bouncers eventually “moved Lindsay out of the booth,” says a source. Outside, Lohan vented to Butter owners Scott Sartiano and Richie Akiva, allegedly demanding Diddy be ejected. Lohan’s posse moved on to Aer and then to Bungalow 8, where, according to a source, “Paris was at one table and Lindsay at another. There was kind of a standoff who was going to leave first.”

Later that night, Lindsay “Firecrotch” Lohan spread her legs and threw fireballs at Paris, who vanished in a cloud of STDs. To be continued…

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Sign the petition for “Back to the Future 2″ Nike sneakers. [Operation McFly]

Super whore Victoria Silvstedt wants you to pay her for sex. [The Bastardly]

In 2012, Jennifer Aniston will still be banging her head against the wall. [Film Experience Blog]

K-Fed lies about helping children’s charities to promote his crappy CD. [BlogNYC]

Listen to the full “Superman Returns” score by composer John Ottman! Hell yeah! [Superhero Hype!]

Maria: A “visual metaphor” is a funny picture in which an object that ordinarily designates one thing is used to designate another, thus making an implicit comparison.

More pics after the jump.

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Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have been branded “colonial overlords” for the special treatment they received in Namibia in the weeks leading up to the birth of their daughter Shovel last month.

Society For Human Rights (NSHR) accuses the superstar couple of “using heavy-handed and brutal tactics” to get the African country’s government to aid their desire for total privacy. A NSHR spokesman says, “To shut down a national border so she can give birth in peace is a massive abuse of power.”

This is only a taste of things to come. Next time, she’ll probably take advantage of her UN Goodwill Ambassador status to nuke China so she can give birth in Tibet.

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Joss Stone: Dear editor, I’m wearing a striped bikini because I know you love bikinis and stripes. Please publish these photos on your fabulous website so I can get some free publicity. Pleeease!

Her wish comes true after the jump.

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Last Thursday on “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno,” sexy actress Kate Beckinsale revealed that when she was nursing her daughter Lily, now 7, she mastered the art of lactating across great distances. She told Jay:

“I do sort of miss breast feeding, I was very good at it. I’ve got, like, many useless talents… Breast feeding is like, you call up a pizza and if you call it up a lot, like 27 pizzas arrive. And that’s what I was like. I could hit the wall from quite a distance.”

Damn, and to think she doesn’t want to play Wonder Woman in the upcoming Joss Whedon film. That’s puzzling me.

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Breaking News! Our bastardly friends got pictures of Kate Moss NOT snorting cocaine! [The Bastardly]

Another week, another Pete Doherty arrest. [A Socialite's Life]

Jessica Alba sucks. Well, sort of. [IDLYITW]

Matt Lauer did his darndest to make Britney cry. Now on video. [Best Week Ever]

So you’re spending too much time in the bathroom. Wait until you discover the Sudoku toilet roll. [CubeMe]

In the Name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Boobies. Dear Editor, who writes for the best site of the world, hallowed be thy Name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily dose of boobies. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into useless news, but deliver us from a boring day of work. For thine is the internet, and the power and the glory, for ever and ever.

More pics after the jump.

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Paris Hilton got a little surprise visit at Macy’s last Friday when a mustachioed man turned up in the long line of women who’d bought an $80 bottle of her new stinky fragrance. The hotel heiress asked the dude how she should autograph her photo.

“Make it out to ‘The Guy Who Has My Storage Locker Stuff,’” said David Hans Schmidt, who then introduced himself as the broker of the secret diaries, videotapes and snapshots that went on the auction block when she didn’t pay her storage bill. “That stuff can’t be published,” the wide-eyed Hilton told Schmidt. “Like your sex video?” said Schmidt, who has offered to sell Hilton’s possessions back to her. (Just to jog her memory about the Hilton family heirlooms, he showed her a photo of herself as a little girl holding baby sister Nicky.)Hilton told Schmidt she’d meet with him in L.A. She also signed his picture: “To David, Love Paris Hilton xoxo.”

Come on Paris, how can you say that your locker room secrets can’t be published? You’re the queen of all media whores. The only part of your body that can’t be published is your brain. Because you don’t have one.

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