Wilmer Valderrama Had More Fun Than You

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Serial fucker Wilmer Valderrama probably had more fun than anyone over the July Fourth weekend, according to Page Six.

The Latino heartthrob arrived in East Hampton in a helicopter chartered by Stereo nightclub co-owner Barry Mullineaux and was greeted at the club’s summer house by 10 models lounging by the pool, plus Scarlett Johansson, who arrived with two gorgeous girlfriends, and Michelle Rodriguez, who was drinking only water after going to jail on drunken driving charges. Rodriguez - who doesn’t make a move without consulting her new Svengali, designer Anand Jon - played nurse to Skanda, the baby tiger being used to promote conservation, and took the cat for moonlit swims in the pool. Scarlett kept her Chihuahua locked up all weekend fearing it could become cat food. Valderrama, while not flirting with all the pretty young things, barbecued for them.

Wilmer just barbecued for all these girls because he doesn’t have to flirt with them anymore. I mean, he already had sex with all of them. Yeah, even the Chihuahua and the baby tiger already tasted his 8-inch Latin love rocket. Wilmer’s penis owns Hollywood. It needs some rest.

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