Paris Hilton told the press that her album is so good it makes her cry. Now that her musical debut is widely seen as a certified flop, she’s probably crying even more. Her album “Paris,” which features the single “Stars Are Blind,” reportedly sold a lackluster 75,000 copies in the United States - a pittance compared to Christina Aguilera’s first-week sales of 320,000. And it will get even worse, as projected sales for next week are said to be a measly 30,000, which is a larger than normal second week drop. “Paris” is languishing at the bottom of Billboard’s Hot 100 - so Hilton’s label rushed out her second single, “Turn It Up,” which isn’t doing very well either. One industry source told Page Six:

“The international outlook is not much better for her. The international people are not inclined to do a big push since she can’t back up the album with a tour. Obviously, she can’t sing live.”

Nobody wants to hear the heiress sing and people are obviously scared to have sex with her. Elijah Blue Allman, the hunky son of Cher and Gregg Allman, boasted to Howard Stern the other day that he had a fling with Hilton before she was famous - but he got nervous right afterward that he might have picked up a sexually transmitted disease from her. Allman says he was so worried, he raced downstairs and grabbed a household cleaning product to pour over his private parts and “disinfect” them. Paris is obviously not a singer, but a virus.

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