Love Island star Collen Shannon has plenty to say about Desperate Housewives hunk Jesse Metcalf’s coital dexterity. She tells News of the World:

“He’s amazing in bed… I give him 10 out of 10! Jesse is all man, and when it comes to sex he’s one of the best.

We had the most amazing sexually charged relationship… We used to play lots of naked games… He really fancied… my boobs and my bum. He spent a lot of time exploring my body!

Jesse has a body to die for. He loved showing his strength by picking me up and throwing me around the bedroom… Every inch of him is toned and it felt amazing when he wrapped his arms around me.

He satisfied me in every way and was very romantic. He made me feel very special. Jesse was a great kisser too, always up for sex and I loved pleasing him. I enjoy acting sexy, teasing, being flirty — and it sent him wild.”

Yes, that was News of the World, not Penthouse Forum. I hope Jesse’s grandma doesn’t get most of her celeb gossip from NOTW, because the image of “every inch” of Jesse playing naked games and tossing some slut around the bedroom is hard to shake. It might ruin Christmas. Grandma might knit Jesse a holiday stocking, but then as soon as he opens it the only thing she’ll be able to think is, “I bet he’s going to put that stocking on his wiener. And have some whore pull it off with her teeth.” And then she’ll have to start drinking to suppress the shame, and it could mix with her blood pressure medicine and kill her. So think about that the next time you’re bragging about doing it with Jesse Metcalf, you dirty tramps.

Some pics from Jesse’s Russel Baer photo shoot after the jump.