DMX Is A Victim
For the five of you squares out there who don’t subscribe to Sister 2 Sister magazine, I have some shocking news regarding rapper DMX. He tells the magazine that he was raped by his “baby momma” while still married to wife Tashera Simmons.
“She raped me,” (DMX says). “I mean, you know, that might sound like some bullshit. No man has ever been… you know what I mean, like never? Is that the only thing in the world that’s not possible?” DMX gained a… valuable lesson: “Turn on the light before I go to sleep,” he said.
If there is one thing women rapists are scared of, it’s the dark. Not big black men. And women rapists are everywhere. You should never go to sleep with the lights off, ladies, because you yourself might be a rapist, and just not recognize the signs. I mean, just last week I woke up straddling some “baller from Compton,” trying unsuccessfully to stuff in his flaccid manhood while he slept. It’s a good thing I have opposable thumbs, or I’d never have gotten the job done myself. And then Monday I found spare penis pump in the trunk of my car, along with some handcuffs, a ball-gag, and a vial of liquid Xtasy. And then I realized the horrible truth about myself. I’m just grateful that DMX has gone public with this, because it’s forced me to come to terms with demons I didn’t even know I had. Thank you, DMX. Thank you.
6 Comments, Comment or Ping
Lumpy Sludge
I can see why she’d want to rape. Look at him, he’s a good looking brotha. True, in that picture all you see is eyeballs and teeth.
On second inspection, not so much eyeballs, or teeth. Forget it. I was going for the cheap laugh.
Sep 21st, 2006
abby
Ah, race humor! A staple of the cognoscenti.
p.s. Infanticide humor is so hot right now.
Sep 21st, 2006
Lumpy Sludge
Abby, I’m not much of a ‘connoisseur’ per se.
More of a person just going through life doing what I can.
I hope my little comment doesn’t dissuade you from coming back to ‘yeeeah!’ again.
Sep 21st, 2006
sonya
Lumpy, I don’t think that’s going to be a problem, since Abby writes these post.
When I worked as a retail cashier, it was really funny to check black people’s drivers liscences. All you could see was eyes and sometimes teeth. I mean, I was supposed to be verifying their identity, and for all I knew, it could’ve been their dead grandfather’s credit card and ID.
Sep 21st, 2006
Lumpy Sludge
Abby!!! What happened to our royally exaltedness Spank Cheeks?
Spank
Spanks
Spanked
Spanker
Spanking (s)
Spank It (my personal favorite)
Whoopin’
Sep 21st, 2006
Italian Stallion
Abby please come back to yeeeah……………LOL
Sep 22nd, 2006
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