Actress Eva Longoria and San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker have called it quits, according to People. A source for the magazine reveals,

“[Tony and Eva] did break up. It’s amicable…They are talking and trying to figure the best course of action for their future. They are trying to work things out. It’s distance and demanding careers and not living in same city…It didn’t happen yesterday. It’s been going on for a while.”

Demanding careers? The Spurs suck and nobody watches “Desperate Housewives” anymore. In fact, the last time I watched “Desperate Housewives,” I got massive abdominal cramping and the spins. It may have been the concussion or the three bottles of Maker’s Mark I drank beforehand, but I really think it was Teri Hatcher’s fault. Teri has to be part alien or half-insect or something. She’s just so sinewy and exo-skeleton-y and everything. Gross. Um… wait… what were we talking about? French people? Aliens? If Tony Parker didn’t look like a bug, and Teri Hatcher wasn’t an alien, they’d still be together. And I wouldn’t have a drinking problem. Or a head injury.