Oct 6, 20066

Eva Longoria Should Be Dead

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Us Weekly reports that Eva Longoria had a minor accident on Wednesday on the set of “Desperate Housewives.”  Her rep released the following statement: 

Yesterday Eva slipped on one of the stairs coming out of her trailer. She was taken to St. Joseph’s Hospital in Burbank for X-rays. Nothing is broken, but her ribs are very bruised. She expects to return to work as scheduled.  

You may remember Eva getting whacked on the head with a pole last year on the very same “Housewives” soundstage.   Coincidence… or conspiracy?  Somebody at ABC must have it out for her — I wouldn’t be surprised if she discovered a dead fish wrapped in newspaper on her doorstep next week.  Because everybody knows the mafia hates “Desperate Housewives.”  And everybody also knows that Teri Hatcher hates Eva Longoria.  So the only logical conclusion here is that Teri Hatcher is actually a hired gun for the mafia.  I bet her name is “The Cryptkeeper” or maybe “The Terrifying Leather Faced Alien Praying Mantis” or something like that.   Mafia nicknames are the coolest.

6 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Midnight

    I am glad she is okay.

    Oct 6th, 2006

  2. petemclochness

    I wish she had landed on her ugly face.

    Oct 6th, 2006

  3. Italian Stallion

    She obviously landed on her face in a fall when she was younger.

    Thanks Abbey, for going with the “fish in a newspaper” instead of the famous “my grandfathers head in the bed” scene……..

    Oct 6th, 2006

  4. Walrus Gumboot

    If it’s such a “minor accident”, why did it even see the light of day?

    Publicity! Publicity! Publicity!

    Italian Stallion – The “E” in Abby is silent. :)

    Oct 6th, 2006

  5. abby

    Actually, my real name is spelled “Ahbhiyeei,” but the people at the airbrush t-shirt shop always get it wrong. So I just started spelling it “A-B-B-Y” to make it easier for them. I just really, really wanted a misty unicorn on a t-shirt with my name scrawled in purple cursive underneath. Both spellings are pronounced the same, much like “Jon” and “John” or “Crazygayscientologistgay” and “Tom Cruise.”

    Oct 6th, 2006

  6. Walrus Gumboot

    Ahbhiyeei – Allow me to add one thing to your righteously funny comment.
    Where you said, “Crazygayscientologistgay”, it should have read, “Crazygaylovesthecockscientologistlovesthecockgay.” Say it a couple of times. See how it rolls off the tongue?

    Just tryin’ to help. :-D

    Oct 7th, 2006

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