Lindsay Lohan is a Master of Disguise
I was at a Killers concert last week, standing in line, when this vagrant prostitute wearing suede cobbling shoes and an enormous gray t-shirt coat tried to cut in front of me. So I was all, “Look, you might be homeless and everything, but you still have to wait your turn in line. The rules of society and all that.” And the vagrant just kind of looked at me and kept standing there, so I pulled out my camera and snapped a picture and said, “This is the before-I-kick-your-ass shot. Are you sure you want to be here for the after?” And she was still just standing there, staring blankly at me. So I said, “Have it your way, bitch,” and I kicked off my shoes and popped out my bridge and got ready to throw down.
But then these three enormous black guys came out of nowhere and beat the living hell out of me. It turns out the the homeless hooker was actually Lindsay Lohan. Good thing I had my camera on me, or you’d never have believed it.
More shots of Lindsay at the concert after the jump.
7 Comments, Comment or Ping
Walrus Gumboot
Ha! Ha! You got your ass kicked by the Firecrotch Goon Squad!
Oct 10th, 2006
Midnight
Oh crap. I hope you didn’t get hurt. You are so funny, I love your site.
Oct 10th, 2006
Italian Stallion
Abby,
Why did it have to be three black guys that fucked you up? You fucking racist bitch!!!
Oct 10th, 2006
crabbie
Lindsay’s getting fat. Time for a bulimia relapse.
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
Oct 10th, 2006
abby
Thanks, Midnight! I’ll be adding you to my list of “my favorite loyal bastards.” Tell all your friends that this site is the coolest. And come here every day and leave comments telling me how awesome I am. We can call it “Daily Affirmations with Midnight.” It might help me to stop cutting.
And Stallion, it’s always black guys. I don’t think you can have a white bodyguard if you’re a white girl. Kinda like “Big Sam” in “Gone With the Wind.” “Hoss, mek tracks!” Ah, the lazy plantation days of the Ol’ South.
Oct 10th, 2006
sonya
Damn, I was hoping to see Lindsay in a turle costume.
“Am I not turrtley enough for the Turtle Club?”
Oct 10th, 2006
GiGi Rae
Yeah, I so concur with the PC-invoking whining of the aptly-named ‘Italian Stallion’. Racism sucks! I was there and it wasn’t four black dudes minding that bloated cow’s STD-infested trail… it was a drunk mic, a spaghetti-eating dago, a trailer-living cracker, and a money-pinching jew.
Oct 10th, 2006
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