Ashlee Simpson Has No Friends
Tags: Ashlee Simpson
Ashlee Simpson arrived at her own birthday party at the Embassy Club in London last week only to discover that she didn’t know any of her guests. World Entertainment Network News reports:
[Ashlee Simpson]… asked party organisers to invite the cream of British celebrities, but Ashlee ended up celebrating turning 22 with reality TV stars and singers she had never heard of. [She was overhead saying] “Who are these people? I don’t even know them. If I’d had my party in Los Angeles I would have had proper celebs there… Ashton [Kutcher] probably walked in, took one look at this lot and turned round and left.”
Yeah, if you’re counting on Kelso making your party a smash kit, it’s pretty much fucked from the start. Not to mention the birthday girl was Ashlee Simpson. Yuck. I bet she couldn’t even have a cake with candles, because:
A) Fake hair is really flammable
B) Heat isn’t good for plastic
C) Cake has calories
D) Throwing up sucks, and
E) Nobody likes Ashlee Simpson
I don’t make the rules, folks. Society does. And it’s just hard for ugly chicks to make friends. Unless they also happen to be wealthy or talented or certified geniuses. I’ve heard Ashlee “sing” and I know she’s not loaded, so I think her best bet would be to emboss a fake certificate with a screwdriver and keep it on her person at all times. “Yeah, I’m an ugly annoying hack, but look! I’m also a genius.” I happen to keep one in the car myself, and it’s gotten me out of many a jam. Everybody knows you can’t argue with a certified genius. Well, everybody but police officers, that is. And being a cerified genius didn’t keep me from going to jail per se, but it did afford me a cell all to myself, which was nice. Well, I might have gotten solitary because I was high on PCP and spitting and screaming gibberish in the nude. I’m not entirely sure. Either way, I’m still a genius. I have a certificate that proves it.
More pics of Ashlee (by herself!) at her party after the jump.
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13 Comments, Comment or Ping
Walrus Gumboot
They should have had the party in Ashleees mouth… then everyone would have “came”. :woot:
Oct 16th, 2006
crabbie
Ashlee Simpson has no friends. It’s called the rats deserting the surgically altered sinking ship.
http://crabbieshollywood.blogspot.com
Oct 16th, 2006
Midnight
Poor Ashlee. You would think she might have a few friends. I guess money doesn’t buy friends.
Oct 16th, 2006
sonya
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat worms…
Oct 16th, 2006
lauren
lmao Walrus Gumboot
Oct 16th, 2006
Italian Stallion
I hate to say it, but I would fuck whoever that chick is…….
Oct 16th, 2006
Italian Stallion
If Ashton did come, he would probably get pissed that he was informed on the Ashlee Simpson punked episode, because clearly she got punked. That, or she really is a lonely piece of shit……
Oct 16th, 2006
Italian Stallion
Did I mention I would fuck her?
Oct 16th, 2006
Italian Stallion
Because I definately would………Jessica can watch
Oct 16th, 2006
Italian Stallion
Wasn’t* informed…..On the Ashton comment bitches………..
Oct 16th, 2006
kristaldmix
Ashlee makes me feel better about myself…
Oct 17th, 2006
chickadee
Please! How come when ever British tabloids use fake quotes from American celebs they don’t remember to use American sounding phrases? I highly doubt the little Texan Ashlee said any thing about PROPER celebs or refered to a group of people as THIS LOT.
Oct 19th, 2006
Chickadee
Sources said that Charlotte Church upstaged her at her own birthday party, bummer!!
Oct 26th, 2006
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