Stephen Hawking to Divorce
Lucasian Professor of Mathematics Stephen Hawking and wife Elaine are getting a divorce, according to today’s The Sun. Although the reason for the split remains a mystery, Mrs. Hawking has been accused of abusing the physicist several times over the course of their eleven year marriage. The Sun reports:
The couple’s marriage was blighted by two police probes into injuries Prof Hawking allegedly suffered at Elaine’s hands. The scientist was quizzed but it is believed he denied Elaine harmed him.
But one of Prof Hawking’s old carers claimed new nurses were subjected to a strange “initiation” by Elaine… [that] involved being called to the bedroom to find him and his naked wife having sex. The carer said: “It was to make it clear that they had a sexual relationship.”
OH. MY. GOD. Stephen Hawking is a sexual deviant! This makes his theories on cosmology and quantum gravity seem almost boring. I guess “The Hawkinator” is a genius in the classroom and a freak in the boudoir. A lot like me. Although technically I’m really less of a “genius” and more of a “mediocre eight-year senior who only made it to about half of her classes any given semester.” From now on I’m keeping a copy of “A Brief History of Time” in the bedside drawer with my handcuffs and personal lubricant.
17 Comments, Comment or Ping
easy e
This gives a whole new meaning to “black holes.” LOL
Oct 19th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
I’ve read “A Brief History of Time” several times. It’s chock full of sexual innuendos. Each time I read it, I “discover” a new position. Have you ever heard of the “under, over, reach around, through”? That’s in there, sublty, but if you know where to look, it’s there.
My suggestion, instead of chastising Stephen Hawkins, embrace his pevertedness with open arms. I did and it made me a better person.
Oct 19th, 2006
lola
LOL @ Walrus Gumboot! I had a boyfriedn who thought he was xtra smart cuz he read that book, now I know he’s just a pervert. ;P
Oct 19th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Lola, you, me and your boyfriend should get together. Your boyfriend would be there spectating purposes only and to drive you home after our twelve and a half hour sex romp.
Damn Abby, I’m on today huh!
It won’t last.
Oct 19th, 2006
Italian Stallion
I thought they were getting a divorce because he wouldn’t wipe his wheels before he came in the house, I mean, it is just common courtesy…………
Oct 19th, 2006
abby
I heard it was because he programmed all these really filthy words into his voice synthesizer. Really, you can only be called “a dirty slutty cunt cock-hostler” so many times by a pervert in a wheelchair before you snap.
Oct 19th, 2006
sonya
Have any of you seen that Family Guy episode where that parapalegic professor and his likewise handicapped girlfriend are lying completely motionless on his bed, supposedly to have sex, and their talking computer thingies are doing their moaning for them? It’s the funniest crap I’ve ever seen.
Oct 19th, 2006
abby
Actually, only 87 times. The 88th time, you feel violated and unclean. Geniuses have a lot to learn about the art of lovemaking.
Oct 19th, 2006
abby
@ Sonya –
“spit in my mouth. spit in my mouth.”
Oct 19th, 2006
Italian Stallion
I think that is Hawking in that episode. They do a lot of them with him in it.
Oct 19th, 2006
abby
Also, he did the Simpsons. He’s a pretty cool bastard. Just foul-mouthed.
Oct 19th, 2006
sonya
Oh and sorry, it’s quadripeligic, or however the hell you spell that.
Oct 19th, 2006
sonya
And DAMN you Abby, I couldn’t for the life of me remember what those things are called–voice synthesizers. You have to go and be all smart on me. Damn you.
Oct 19th, 2006
sonya
Ooh ooh, sorry for posting like crazy, but I was just reading the page they have on him on Wikipedia, and apparently he’s always been a pervert. He was the cox on his rowing team. Hee hee!
Oct 19th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
What about that episode of My Name Is Earl (which is all new tonight at 8e, 7c on your NBC stations.) Here’s the synopsis of tonights show:
“Van Hickey
Earl runs into No. 50 on his list while Joy does community service, but he meets No. 51 while trying to make good with the previous task.”
************************************************************
Back to the episode I was referring to. It’s the one where he’s trying to get his dad elected mayor. He’s going around…………………………… forget it, I lost my train of thought.
Just watch Earl followed by an all new “The Office”
Joy and Catalina are fuckin’ hot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oct 19th, 2006
stephen hawkings
i think you’re all nasty pasties and i’m going to kill you with my big dick….meep….meep
love and kisses
king schlong (and his iron chariot)
Mar 24th, 2008
stephen hawkings
mrs.hawkings:
fire that missile at me o dick of death.
you really are an incorrigible scientist.
melt my black hole with your ray gun.
talk dirty to me about string theory.
HURRY…..i think the chambermaid’s coming…. two for the price of one eh robot boy? OOOOOHHHHHH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!!
Mar 24th, 2008
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