Britney Spears’ Diet Strategy
Britney Spears has reportedly indulged in a massive shopping spree to celebrate the return of her pre-pregnancy figure. World Entertainment Network News reveals:
The 24-year-old was browsing in Malibu, California boutique Planet Blue on 9 October… and snapped up 45 pieces for her new svelte frame. Five weeks after giving birth to son SUTTON PIERCE… Spears has reportedly dropped 26 pounds… without a trainer, diet pills or a nutritionist. According to an employee at the store, the Toxic star gushed that she was a “whole new size - an eight,” and needed “all new clothes.”
A family friend of Spears says, “She is not treating herself with food and desserts anymore.”
Britney Spears is a real dummy. Everybody knows the best way to “treat yourself” after giving birth is with horse tranquilizers and vodka. It keeps off the pounds and knocks a nursing baby the hell out for a good 22 hours, which is nice because all you’ll want to do is sleep anway. Besides, creme brulee and chocolate fudge don’t slide down as easy as four shots of Stolichnaya and a Special K. No, not Special K the cereal; Special K the drug. The cereal really sucks. No marshmallows or anything. Just a bunch of rice flakes. Yuck. That’s probably what fatty had for breakfast today, instead of alcohol and ketamine. It’ll probably take her the better part of a decade to snap back to her old figure, whereas I’m the same weight I was back in the fifth grade. I may not remember what day it is or where I put my baby (babies?), but at least I’m skinny. That Britney Spears is just an idiot.
11 Comments, Comment or Ping
Italian Stallion
I see she has a diet strategy, now whats her strategy for getting rid of that butt-pirate of a husband……….
Oct 20th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Stallion, you stole my thunder but I’m still going to go with it.
If Britney wants to lose about 200 more unwanted pounds,
ace her fudge-packing husband!
Oct 20th, 2006
sonya
I’m on a totally liquid diet of laxatives and the STORE brand of vodka. Gotta save them pennies, yo. Works wonders for the figure. And I gotta tell ya, my colon is squeaky clean. That free of charge traveling doctor told me so.
Oct 20th, 2006
ApacheRose
I always found the best way to lose the baby weight was just to fuck it off. Aerobic sex, if you’re not sweating, you’re not doing it right.
However, I don’t think anyone wants Brit to do that… last thing any of us needs is for her to get pregnant AGAIN. The world’s got enough problems already.
Oct 20th, 2006
anon
“…return of her post-pregnancy figure” “Britney Spears is a real dummy.”
Isn’t it her PRE-pregnancy (you know, before pregnacy) figure she’s going for?
Oct 20th, 2006
m
Anon, dont you mean “pregnaNcy” not “pregnacy.” Nit pickey!!
Oct 20th, 2006
sonya
m, don’t you mean “Nit pickY”? tee hee
Oct 20th, 2006
abby
Duly noted.
Oct 20th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Maybe “m” meant “Nose picker”?
Oct 20th, 2006
Chickadee
Tummy Tuck, she took the easy way out! She is so fake!!
Oct 26th, 2006
Sally
no britney aint a idiot feel sorry for her wqith all th poperotize around her 24/7
shes got a gawjus figuer aswell ! =]
Jan 20th, 2008
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