There is nothing worse on a woman than a set of flabby, sagging knees. I can look past a lazy eye or a hairlip or even cystic boils, but knee flab? Please. That’s precisely why I find Demi Moore so repulsive. It’s those knees of hers. Thankfully, she’s decided to fork over ten grand to a top-of-the-line plastic surgeon in an atttempt to fix them. Daily Mail reports:

Demi Moore, 43, always had one or two things she wanted to hide away - namely her knees.

“Demi went to Brian Novack, who has already done work on her,” a source close to the actress said. “He is a fantastic surgeon and his clients don’t look like they’ve had surgery. Demi couldn’t stand it that there was any part of her that is not perfect. A lot of her friends were trying to talk her out of having more surgery. Worrying about her knees, of all things, is just silly.”

What cosmetic surgeons believe Demi has had done:
• Liposuction to her hips, inner and outer thighs and stomach - £16,000
• Beast implants for 1996 film Striptease - £11,000
• Subsequent operation to reduce her breast implants and have a breast lift - £9,500
• Brow lift - £3,600
• Chemical facial skin peel - £10,000
• Collagen injections (per course) - £200
• Teeth veneered and laser whitening - £6,200
• A long-term diet and fitness routine, including nutritionist, personal trainer, yoga instructor and kick-boxing champion - £165,000

Total: £226,500

For those of you who have no idea what the pound translates to in dollars, that’s a grand total of about $425,000. And for half a million dollars, she still makes that face up there when she smiles and has flabby old lady knees. I, on the other hand, spent eight bucks on a bottle of “Frost and Glow” this morning and 99 cents on a tube of Wet ‘n’ Wild lipstick yesterday to look this good today. And I don’t like to brag, but my knees are to die for. If I don’t cover these suckers up before I go out, the men come charging right for me, penises erect, overwhelmed with desire. Like waving a red flag in front of a bull, my knees. Other girls have their “big boobs” and their “little waists” and their “college educations,” but I have these supple knees here. What can I say? Sometimes life just deals you all the right cards.

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