David Hasselhoff is alleging that his estranged wife, actress Pamela Bach, was “intoxicated or on drugs” at their daughter’s birthday party this year in papers filed in the Los Angeles Superior Court yesterday. The court documents, obtained by TMZ, make the following claims:

Hasselhoff says Bach “often wrongly accused me of having affairs in the presence of our children… Respondent unfairly harbors an irrational obsession and jealous rage toward our nanny, and persists in accusing her of wanting to replace (Bach) as my wife and (Bach) as the mother of our two children.’

…That Bach “broke into my former residence this past Father’s Day…” [and] in documents submitted to the court… tested positive for cocaine.

In a transcript of a telephone conversation, Pamela makes the following accusations to David: “You’ve abused me, you’ve [fucking] terrorized me, you have done too many women. You’re psycho man. You’re psycho. I’m not going to be O.J. Simpson like you say to my friends, I [wish] I was O.J., I could kill Nicole. I’m not going to let you kill me.”

Bach’s lawyer, Susan Wiesner, would not comment on the allegations, but noted that the Hoff’s public disclosure of the documents was

“an intentional effort on his part to besmirch her character and her reputation. Mrs. Hasselhoff could respond to each and every allegation with a litany of allegations that have been filed with the court regarding Mr. Hasselhoff’s alcohol problems and his phone calls, etc., but she doesn’t want to engage in the media in order to protect the children.”

TMZ also reveals that Bach contacted them herself to deny the allegations of cocaine abuse, claiming that the tainted hair samples in question were actually extensions and were taken to a private lab of Hasselhoff’s choosing.

This is exactly why it’s never a good idea to break into your ex’s house, ladies. You lose a couple of strands of hair while you’re rifling through his beside table and wham! — the court finds out you’ve been doing blow and working as a stripper while your kids are off spending a schoolnight at your new boyfriend who-just-got-out-of-jail-on-assault-charges’ apartment. And then you get branded an “unfit mother,”and none of the other mothers at the PTA meeting will talk to you or touch the Halloween cupcakes you made. And you spent all night making them, too, because the first batch burned while you were locked in the bathroom cutting your forearms and doing lines off the back of the toilet. Just trust me on this one, girls — you don’t want to break into his house. It’s just not worth it.