Quickies: It’s Not My Fault, Assholes
Before you bastards start accusing me of getting too drunk last night to get my ass out of bed this morning, let me set some a couple of things straight. Firstly: yes, I was drunk, but I still set my alarm for six-thirty a.m. like I always do. Which meant I only got two and a half hours of actual sleep. Not even sleep sleep, really, but black-out-in-the-bed-and-wake-in-a-puddle-of-vomit sleep. Which is not the same at all. But I still staggered over to the computer and started working and when I went to post, I discovered there was a ”server protection problem.” I swear to God. So I couldn’t do anything until somebody fixed it, ’cause I don’t know anything about fucking computers, people. I know about “making fun of celebrities” and “internet porn.” That’s about it. So I raked the vomit off the mattress with my forearm and laid back down in the bed, and when I woke up twenty minutes ago, the server issue had been rectified. So you can all shove it up your asses. Ingrates.
No, wait, I didn’t mean that. Are we broken up? Because I don’t want to be broken up. Maybe we just need some time apart to think about things. Here, I made this for you:
“Running With Scissors” manages to make pedophilia funny! That takes some serious editorial talent. (Pajiba)
Jared Leto has a thing against hobbits. Fucking racist. (CityRag)
Kylie Minogue’s Vogue shoot makes me moist. (A Socialite’s Life)
Jessica Alba with her bitches. (ICYDK)
Rosario Dawson still has the retard bangs, but at least her dress is foxy. (Popoholic)
Check out Demi Moore’s sexy new knees! If you’re at work, you might want to bind your penis to your leg first. They’re just that hot. (PopBytes)
It turns out Courtney Love is actually smart! You can tell by the glasses. And the hideous breast implants. (Gabsmash)
It’s the closest thing to a mix-tape I can offer you. We’ve had some good times together, you and I. I don’t want to throw it all away over one silly little fight. Think about it, will you? And remember, I’m a big slutty slut.
33 Comments, Comment or Ping
El Enemigo De Molly
Es Lastima.
Nov 1st, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
About your looooonnnnggg drawn out story, I say, Ha!
I believe it, like I believe Paris Hilton doesn’t have herpes.
I believe it, like I believe Lindsay Lohan isn’t a Fire Crotch.
I believe it, like I believe Walrus Gumboot said he would never, post here again.
I believe it, like I believe Nicole Ric…… you get what I mean!
Jessica Alba can “walk” me anytime !!!
Nov 1st, 2006
abby
Soy la enimga de todos que dejan los comentarios en Espanol.
Nov 1st, 2006
Zanna
Me gusto los hombres con los penes de grande, pero tengo un care de perro. Es verdad. Y, es muchos libros en la biblioteca. Donde esta el bano?
Chimichanga.
Nov 1st, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Burritos, Tacos y Banos.
Nov 1st, 2006
abby
Konichiwa!
Really, guys, there was a server problem, and my boss didn’t get my email until two this afternoon. I swear on all that is Holy.
Zanna, a mi me gusta los hombres con penes grandes tambien. Eso es el razon que me caso con mi esposo. El esta un cabron en la cama!
Me gusta leche. Tiene Ud. jamon?
Nov 1st, 2006
abby
It’s like Big Mike’s Landscaping Crew in here!
Nov 1st, 2006
abby
Because they’re Mexican! Get it?
Yeah, that’s fucking lame. I’m going to go throw up again. Y’all have a good evening doing whatever *sober stuff you do.
*excluding Zanna and Walrus, who are permanently fucked up. Booze it up, baby!
Nov 1st, 2006
Zanna
Oh, sí. Los baños son necesarios después de tacos y de burritos
Nov 1st, 2006
El Enemigo De Molly
Oh! Well I did not expect any of you to write back. I am sort of just learning spanish in this class I am in…but Zanna, I think you just said you enjoy men penis’s very much.Okkkkaaaayy….moving on…Abby,I think you said you are asking me why I wrote my comments in “Espanol”…It just goes with the name I guess. Hate Molly. She’s a bitch. Cant stand that blogging whore.
Nov 1st, 2006
Zanna
Si, you comprenede tu chiste..LOL…muy bueno.
El pene de su esposo es pequeño comparado a tu corazón! Tenga una buena noche, mi amigo!
Nov 1st, 2006
Zanna
I believe I said I like men with BIG penises. Pene de GRANDE.
I also said I have the face of a dog. And that the library has many books. Where is the bathroom?
Nov 1st, 2006
abby
I was a Spanish minor in college and this right here is all I have to show for it. Que lastima!
Enemigo: Por que odias a Molly Good? Que hizo ella?
Nov 1st, 2006
abby
Te amo, Zanna! Si fuera una lesbiana, tu seria mi esposa. A causa de tuyo asno muy, muy dulce.
Nov 1st, 2006
Zanna
The first person I thought of when she said that was Molly Good……
Abby! Es un festival del amor! Seríamos los pares lesbianos más calientes en el planeta!
Nov 1st, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
I said Burritos… Tacos… and Bathroom, because that’s all I know.
Nov 1st, 2006
ApacheRose
Wally, come talk to me. I only speak English and I’m starting to fear for my safety all alone amongst the landscaping crew.
Although I’m pretty sure that Abby and Zanna are setting up some sort of “very very sweet, hot” lesbian thing.
Nov 1st, 2006
El Diablo Es Molly
Abby, first off…I hate Molly because I knew her when she lived in Pomona, ( when she attended Pomona university, I live in Rancho Cucamonga, a few towns over )She dated my brother, James Davis. So we were friends kind of…She got the name MollyGood from ME. She never thanked me. EVER.
Second, I hate men too, though I am not a lesbian, but strangely adore Pene De Grande, it puts a smile on my face. Consolation? Pene De Grande Shemales.
So I steal all her Ideas minutes after she publishes them, and put them on my own site! ( No URL will be given for copyright reasons )
Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!
Nov 1st, 2006
sonya
Hey, a fellow Nine-Oh-Niner!
Ahem. Here’s my contribution:
En el baño del diablo, hay muchas vacas en el parad.
Nov 1st, 2006
Pene De Grande
Zanna! You silly Norte Americano, you!
Nov 1st, 2006
Pene De Grande
Sonya! You silly Norte Americano, you!
Nov 1st, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Apache, if you want to talk on your blogspot site, I can’t.
I’m just now getting my sanity back. I’ll throw a few words on them every now and then, but as far a posting long term… it ain’t gonna happen!
Sorry… Very sorry.
THEY PISSED ME OFF THAT MUCH.
Nov 1st, 2006
Zanna
Wally….c’mon. I miss your witty retort on Spank Cheeks. Was it THAT bad? Why must we be punished for what THEY have done? Daddy..Daddy..mommy didn’t mean it come hooooommmmme!
Well, Diablo Es Molly..if you don’t give us your link we can’t LINK to you….kapishka, chica?
And who is Pene De Grande? suddenly I have visions of a giant penis with a cape and sword. Like Zorro.
Nov 1st, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Zanna baby, posting on a blogspot site now, is like that last bad acid trip we’ve all taken.
I don’t want to live through it again.
Here’s Ferrets new, new site:
http://www.xanga.com/Angry_Ferret_Jones
Nov 1st, 2006
Zanna
I’ve seen his site…it’s good…and thank you for asking him to add Spank Cheeks.
You’re a doll. I’ll update it on The Grannys later.
Nov 1st, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
P.S. Check out post #77 on the “Alyssa Milano” thread on the Fish.
http://thesuperficial.com/2006/11/alyssa_milano_others_attend_he.html#comment
Nov 1st, 2006
Zanna
Wow. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone apologize for anything on the fish before…..
Nov 1st, 2006
El Enemigo De Molly
Pene De Grande sounded good, so I used it. But if you prefer, I will go back to El Enemigo De Molly. As for my link, sorry. Copyright infringement just waiting to happen. Molly is linked to this site, if she were to learn that I downloaded all her pictures, and plagiarised her work, and had my dominican friend Micah tranlsate it to Espanol, and present her work as my own to the spanish speaking public…Well,I don’t have to spell it out for you, Zanna.
Adios, it is time for my Siesta.
Nov 2nd, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
It’s only because I love ya Zanna.
Nov 2nd, 2006
bionic bunny
zanna, wally, give! i am one bored bunny. what’s happened now?
oh, in english, please.
i am multi lingual (watch it, wal), but only with a handful of expletives.
it sounds like something went on that i inadvertantly fueled with my TCLTC post.
sounds like i really, humbly owe gumbo an apology. and i was only playing! (i love that handle, “gumbo”).
this isn’t still related to the sarah jean crap, is it?
somebody fill me in. i hate being last out of the gate!!!!
Nov 2nd, 2006
Zanna
NO, I understand, but you don’t think putting that up here it might get back to her? I mean….how many spanish sites are llinked to her site? And I bet you could write better stuff….she reports on good stuff but I don’t find her particularly entertaining.
Bunny: Did you go look on the fish? Post 77 from the link above? I don’t know all the history…I just saw an apology and kind of know that that chic used to rip on some of the regulars….
Nov 2nd, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Rest assured bionic buns, I’ll bet that’s a sight to see, you are not the cause of the sudden influx of foreign speak. It looks greek to me?
To be multi lingual takes a talented tongue. Something I’m very familiar with. My tongue goes up and down like a jack hammer. Matter of fact, that was my nickname in college, “jack-hammer-tongue”.
Nov 2nd, 2006
Zanna
Make the flashing stop…I’m having a seizure….and there is no one here to put a wallet in my mouth…
Nov 2nd, 2006
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