Quickies: ‘Till Death Do Us Part

Pho2BC.jpg

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes plan their Scientology wedding, replete with misogynistic vows and promises of kitty cats and cooking utensils.  (Celebitchy)

Kate Bosworth skinnys it up in the land down under.  (MollyGood)

Eric Foreman and The Trump’s daughter?  There’s a match made in breast implant heaven.  (Egotastic)

Disguise your love of Hollywood gossip as a Microsoft Word document.  Really, it’s genius.  Spank Cheeks is officially safe for work!  (Spank Cheeks)

American Idol runner-up Katherine McPhee offers eating disorder help to Nicole Richie.  I’m guessing that means holding her hair while she pukes.  (I’m Not Obsessed)

8 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Old Man Frances Billy The Cowboy BobThorton Henry J Marshall

    Y’all need to quite fuckin’ around and kill these zombie som’bitches. Quite Fuckin’ around with those body shots and shoot the Som’bitches in the Head, hell, blow their GodDamn knees out, boy, that will slow them som’bitches down a knotch. Let them som’bitches crawl to ya’…and stomp their GodDamn brains out.
    Y’all want to drive over those som’bitches with a car, hell, that aint the right thing to be doin’ What you need is a GodDamn horse. Its a weapon as well as a means of transportation. A horse can ride, and kick at those zombie bastards at the same time. A mule don’t need no fuel neither. Thems will show those zombie bastards a thing or two, sures the hell will, boy.

  2. ApacheRose

    Uh huh… Anyway…

    Nice vows for the Scientology nuptuals. Like everybody didn’t already think they were creepy enough. (Please let that be a joke, those vows. Oh please, please, please…)

  3. Notice to Walrus Gumboot

    Before you go on ranting about how this post above is not in correspondence with the theme of this Thread, check the Title: “‘Till Death do us part.”
    The post above is an instructional guide on how to kill your partner, again, should they rise up from their eternal sleep.
    Also, no links or URL’s are required. I have already played Resident Evil, House of the Dead, Dead Rising ( which really kicks ass by the way ) and watched several zombie films. I have even slept with a dead woman, so there.

  4. Old Man Frances Billy The Cowboy BobThorton Henry J Marshall

    If Katie rises from the dead, don’t try to be no marksman, get a Shotgun and blow that no-good bitch away. Just aim and shoot boy.
    You can kill several no-good zombie bastards at once with a good ol’ twelve gauge. Aim that sucker and shoot boy, don’t try to be no GodDamn Marksman, hell no boy. Trying to be a Marksman will get your as bit, boy, and then your ass will be turnin’ into a damn zombie, walkin’ ’round with your shit mixed up, stumblin’ ’round like a cripple. Mumbling some shit like a crackhead junky, hell Na’ boy, get your ass a shotgun.

  5. I can’t believe that any woman would subject herself to those kind of insulting “vows”. I’m surprised that they don’t refer to the “girl” as “Poppet”.

    ” ‘Ello, Poppet, wouldja like a nice ki’y cat? ‘Ow about a noice cuppa tea? Aow, now there’s a good lil’ girl. Put this ‘ere frilly ‘anky on your lap, you wouldn’t loike ter get crumbs on your pre’y frock, now wouldja? ”

    I think that’s a Scientology pirate.

  6. bionic bunny

    wtf?

    apache-
    nothing would surprise me anymore. i’ve had a GREAT deal of spare time on my hands these last couple of years, and i’ve read alot of the scientology crap. if you haven’t already, check xenu.net,
    aka operation clambake. scary, scary shit.

  7. Katherine McPhee, I would like to eat your snatch and have your ass for dessert… not particularly in dis-order or dat-order!

    It looks as if Christopher Longaway is back and he’s brought a couple of new, but not very likable, personas with him.

    The Twilight Zone theme is playing again!

  8. Old Man Frances Billy The Cowboy BobThorton Henry J Marshall

    Trample all over those zombie bastards, ride all over thems som’bitches. Kick at them som’bitches while you ride.

Reply to “Quickies: ‘Till Death Do Us Part”