K-Fed is finding out that life without Britney isn’t as exactly as pimpin’ as he’d thought it be. Page Six reports:

[Kevin] has gone from being fast and loose with his cash to watching every penny since Britney Spears kicked him to the curb. Instead of flying to Miami, Fed-ex arrived in a [bus.]

Lucky for you guys, I’m poor, so I happened to be on the very same Greyhound liner as Kevin and scored an exclusive post-divorce interview with him. Well, maybe it wasn’t so much an “exclusive interview” as it was “a conversation I overheard,” but in journalism terms that’s pretty much the same thing. I know because I have a degree in journalism and you don’t. Excerpts from the transcript below:

Thug-4-Life White Guy (to K-Fed): So, what’d you do last night, holmes?

K-Fed: Coz, I totally met Baberaham Lincoln last night. She was fuckin’ babelicious to the Nth degree. I’m talking off the chain, dawg.

Thug-4-Life: She was what?

K-Fed: Babelicious to the Nth degree, dawg. Do you know what “Nth” is?

Thug-4-Life: Nth?

K-Fed: Yeah, Nth. Did you take geometry? Nth is like infinity, dawg. Bitch was fine.

At that point I pretty much stopped writing it all down and just took turns stabbing myself in the thighs with my sharpened pencils. It was the only thing I could do to suppress the rage. Then K-Fed started with a little free-style rapping and the driver slammed on the brakes and whirled around and yelled, “GET THE FUCK OFF MY BUS, YOU FAGGOT!” Everybody else started laughing and some homeless lady puked in the floor. Greyhound is really the only way to travel if you’re famous.