The big day has almost arrived for Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes — the couple is set to get married tomorrow at the Odescalchi Castle in Italy as honorary citizens of the country. People magazine reports:

The $50,000 fee to use the [castle] has been waived, because Bracciano mayor Patrizia Riccioni wants to thank the couple for all the attention they’ve brought her town. Riccioni also said she’d like to grant the Cruises honorary citizenship “because they have brought so much to our little village.”

Big deal. I was on vacation in Indonesia one time and the country offered me honorary citizenship, too. These nice guys with machine guns escorted me out of the brothel and collected all my heroin for me and even set me up with temporary residence for the remainder of my stay. And they also beat me with canes and took turns urinating on me. And they stole one of my kidneys. Honorary citizenship wasn’t nearly as much fun as I thought it’d be.