Jessica Simpson Sex Tape
Pop princess Jessica Simpson is the newest celebrity rumored to have a soon-to-be-released sex tape. The Post-Chronicle reveals:
According to reports the tape does exist and has fallen into the hands of the individuals responsible for leaking the Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee video. It has been claimed that they are threatening to leak the tape if Jessica does not pay an undisclosed sum of money to keep it out of the public domain.
Somehow, these celebrity sexcapades always end up in the hands of the same people responsible for the Pam Anderson/Tommy Lee video. Those guys would have to be ninjas or something to be able to sneak past security and break into celebrity compounds undetected. I might not have any armed guards around my apartment, but I do make a lot of sex tapes, so I keep my camcorder mounted in the shower inside an overhead light to throw amateur-porn-hunting ninjas off the trail. It really works, too. I’ve got plenty of footage of me doing it with random guys in the shower, and some of me giving my dog a bath, and about thirty minutes’ worth of my neighbor soaping herself during the water leak problem she had back in October. The sex tape ninjas have yet to get their little yellow hands on it. You got to think outside the box, folks. Ninjas never check the showers. They also never check the toilet, and there’s a real market out there for fetishists who like watching people poop. That’s what you call a “win-win.”
7 Comments, Comment or Ping
Walrus Gumboot
Abby, you mentioned “ninjas” twice in your post?
I’m sure you’ve heard by know that Cock-Ninja aka Hopeless_Screehwriter has called it quits as far as blogging goes! Click link:
http://www.cock-ninja.blogspot.com/
Because of your talk about the aforementioned ninjas, you wouldn’t happen to have “OUR” Ninja chained to the water heater in your basement… would ya??
Nov 28th, 2006
abby
No, nothing to do with cock-ninja. Just I’m pretty sure only trained ninjas are that slick. Them, or maybe Jack Bauer. He could totally pull off a sex-tape heist.
Nov 28th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
I guess the disappearance of Cock-Ninja is another one of lifes mysteries!
Like who’s buried in Grant’s tomb?
Or
What color was George Washington’s white horse?
Nov 28th, 2006
Zanna
Who cares about CN. He pulled the very same bullshit before. It’s cry for attention.
Nov 28th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Now, now Zanna! Cock-Ninja has done some ‘wrongs’, but he has also done some ‘rights’ too!
Like make us laugh uproariously!
When I posted on Ferrets site about him, I was playing the “bad cop” role. Trying to make him angry so he would post. In hindsight, maybe it was mistake.
Post #10
http://www.xanga.com/Angry_Ferret_Jones/551178668/northern-exposure–.html
I know what he did to Tranny was wrong.
Nov 28th, 2006
SPICKO
IF COCK NINJA CAN FIND MY TAPES THEN I WILL GIVE HIM 50 DOLLARS
Feb 19th, 2007
greg
When can we look forward to seeing your sex tapes, Abby?
Feb 25th, 2007
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