Lindsay Lohan took a break from cutting herself to pick up a pair of diamond-studded gold handcuffs Sunday afternoon. Our little masochist seems to have developed a flair for all things deviant lately. I can’t imagine anything worse than being permanently affixed to the bedrail with a coked-up and naked Lohan freckling and insecuring all over the place. She’d probably leave the cuffs on and force you to watch a couple of her shitty movies after it was all over.

The best part of the whole thing is that the cuffs are gold with diamonds. Nice. I guess that she wanted them to match the rest of her pricey adult novelties. What novelties, you ask?  I happen to have a list of the Top Ten Ridiculous Lohan Sex Toys for your amusement right here. Enjoy.

10. Emerald-encrusted nipple pasties

9. Tahitian pearl anal beads

8. Platinum double-headed dildo with agate detailing

7. Lube made from the pancreas of endangered South American penguins

6. Ivory nipple clamps

5. “The Joy of Sex” hand-printed on zebra skin and bound with cashmere

4. Body paint infused with crushed tourmaline

5. Solid gold butt plug fashioned in Paris Hilton’s likeness

3. 3 pound tub of Crisco

2. Ceiling-hung trapeze made of Peruvian silk

1. Fire extinguisher with ruby inlay

More pics of Madame Firecrotch after the jump.

Related Stories

• No Related Stories