Jenna Jameson is Single
Professional penis punching bag Jenna Jameson is officially back on the market. TMZ reports:
Porn queen Jenna Jameson has filed for legal separation from her husband of three and a half years. Jameson… has been estranged from husband Jay Grdina… also a porn star, [who] performs under the name Justin Sterling. Jameson, once linked to rocker Dave Navarro, has been keeping company with Ultimate Fighting champion Tito Ortiz.
I’m afraid that most of you “civilian males” out there are never going to get the opportunity to board the Jenna Express. From the sounds of it, Jenna likes her men hung like African elephants and bloated with steroids. But, no tears, boys — I can tell you how to simulate a sexual encounter that could easily pass for porking Jenna, using everyday things from around your house. First, grab two basketballs, and suspend them from the ceiling about eye level so they bash you in the face during “coitus.” Cut up some coke and snort a few lines. Next, grab an empty Kroger bag, smear the inside with ointment, and go to town with your weiner. It’s not supposed to fit snugly. For authenticity’s sake, you know. Do some more lines. Don’t forget to alternately pound yourself in the kisser with those basketballs while you’re working the plastic grocery bag over. Finally, for the full olfactory effect, you might want to leave a couple of open cans of Starkist around the room. There! It’s like you just got done having sex with Jenna Jameson.
18 Comments, Comment or Ping
BarbadoSlim
Can one really describe one’s self as committed to a relationship when you have penises coming in and out of every orifice on your body?
I thiiiiink not.
Dec 12th, 2006
abby
So you’re saying I’m not committed to my relationship? What else am I supposed to do with all these orifices?
Dec 12th, 2006
BarbadoSlim
Well I guess you would need to commit to each and every penis. Not many people are ready for that kind of commitment.
Dec 12th, 2006
abby
So that’s what they meant when they said, “We should have Abby committed.” I was hoping it had something to do with penises!
Dec 12th, 2006
bionic bunny
i dunno, abby, i think you put a little too much thought into that “home version” of jenna.
did you run out of tequila, too?
Dec 12th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
I don’t think I would that now!
Click the link for a HQ pic! Her face looks tighter than Joan Rivers’!
http://celebs.myphotos.cc/hosting2/public/pview/42152/Jenna_Jameson_VH1_13.jpg
Dec 12th, 2006
Angry Ferret Jones
She lives here in Scottsdale. I will be having the sex with her very soon. Even if I just see her in traffic, I plan on having the sex with her many ways.
Dec 12th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
I don’t think I would HIT that now!
Click the link for a HQ pic! Her face looks tighter than Joan Rivers’!
http://celebs.myphotos.cc/hosting2/public/pview/42152/Jenna_Jameson_VH1_13.jpg
Dec 12th, 2006
Zanna
Wally, you just said you’d hit Kirstie Alley on SC…but you wouldn’t hit Jenna?
Dec 12th, 2006
oshkoshb'faggot
I would hit that, with a pie.
Hey, I tried your “simulation” method, and now I’m coked up out of my mind with paper cuts on my tongue and two black eyes. Awesome!!!
Dec 12th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
Zanna – Kirstie Alley has always done something to me… that Jenna used to!
Dec 12th, 2006
Italian Stallion
Her hole is like a New York subway tunnel………Everyone and race has been in it………
Dec 12th, 2006
nrrvus
usually i’d use a 2×4, but in this instance I would need a full 4×8 sheet of plywood strapped to my ass to hit that skank. She’s got the holland tunnel between her “getaway sticks”, ( I stole that from an earlier post, gumboot I think), made me laugh.
Dec 12th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
nrrvus – Thanks for the ‘getaway sticks’ kudo and I agree with your 4×8 sheet of plywood theory.
Dec 12th, 2006
nrrvus
Credit where credit’s due gumboot. that’s my motto, by the way Abby, a toothpick in my crack for you, ha ha ha, just kidding
Dec 12th, 2006
abby
That’s the third time today someone’s offered me an ass-crack toothpick! Weird, huh?
Dec 13th, 2006
emma
cool blog!
Apr 9th, 2007
Timoty
cool blog!
Apr 16th, 2007
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