Angie Bares All in Vogue

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Angelina Jolie opens up about her relationship with Brad Pitt for the first time ever in next month’s issue of Vogue magazine. She says,

“Brad was a huge surprise to me. I, like most people, had a very distant impression of him from…the media. I am just as guilty! We push each other to be better. Even if it’s just a better bike rider or a better pilot. We’re constantly in competition with each other. He’s somebody I admire based on the way he lives his life. And that’s why I’m with him. [He is] the person closest to me.

[We] found this strange friendship and partnership that kind of just suddenly happened [on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith.] I think a few months in I realized, God, I can’t wait to get to work. Whether it was shooting a scene or arguing about a scene or gun practice or dance class or doing stunts - anything we had to do with each other, we just found a lot of joy in it together and a lot of real teamwork. Life developed in a way where we could be together, and where it felt like something we would do, we should do.”

That’s just about the most convincingly selfless reason for breaking up a marriage I’ve ever heard. Seriously, Angie missed her calling as a defense attorney. “Your honor, my client has raped, pillaged, and murdered, but he did it in the name of his children! Children plucked from war-torn third-world poverty. And look me in the face when I’m speaking to you. No, I mean directly in the eyes. I said look at me! I’m fucking gorgeous! Could anything other than truth escape these pillowy lips?” And of course the judge would bashfully smile and dismiss the case in the hopes of concealing the massive boner he had under his robe. American justice, baby! You just can’t beat it.

24 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Yes, I can’t wait for that issue, NOT!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. abby

    I know what I’m getting you for Christmas, Stallion! A subscription to Vogue and a mistletoe cock-ring. The holiday spirit has really moved me today.

  3. Ohh, I’d bet you’d read it if it was in MAXIM though…huh, wouldn’t you…WOULD’T YOU!!! Gimme a cookie.

  4. That gives a whole new meaning to “kissing under the mistletoe”. I had a kissing under the camel toe joke too but there it is…gone.

  5. cookie? I don’t get it……… the only mag I read is Martha Stewarts

  6. Abby- for Christmas I’m giving you a close up view of said cock and ring……..oh, and Stallion-nog in your face…………..

  7. abby

    That gives a whole new meaning to “milk moustache,” Stallion.

    Camel toe jokes are so tenuous and finely crafted… one step too close and pffft! they’re gone. I only attempt them if I’ve been drinking.

  8. It must really be tough being those two?? :(

  9. Why are all the hairs on my arm standing up? Angelina and Nude in the same sentence!

    Abby! You tease! ;p *shivers*

    Dear Santa,

    I have been a good boy this year. I adopted another damn cat and I keep feeding it, semi regularly. I called the cops on the FUCKING LOUD ASS TILL 4 IN THE FUCKING MORNING NEIGHBORS. I have only flipped off about 10 people this year.

    I want a Wii, a PS3 and a 360!

    P.S. Hey Fatass! You might know when I’m awake but I know where you live, fucker!

  10. oshkoshb'grabmyhooters

    A camel toe and a cookie walk into a bar. The cookie says, “Hey, suck it, fatass.” The bartender looks at the camel toe and asks her for some ID. She turns to the cookie who is now buried under several empty bottles of Limoncello. So then she kicks Angelina Jolie in the throat, collapsing her trachea. The End.

  11. lol! Where the normal person (well, MOST normal people) would have just had a “mental” affair, enjoyed the flirtation, and then kept it pushin when filming wrapped…Angelina and Brad just rolled with it. Ahhh, celeb life - it hurts so good.

  12. oshy, is that a true story??

  13. oshkoshb'grabmyhooters

    It has an element of truthiness.

  14. Lisa

    Why do Americans always have to invest in these Golden Couples. Brad Pitt/Jennifer Aniston broke up like countless of others. Let’s not make it so simple but couples break up ALL THE TIME. For those who choose to believe that Jennifer Aniston played no part whatsover, grow up. Get real. That is just not life. It takes two to make and break a marriage.

  15. Like you lips have elements of being hot?? :twisted:

    http://photos1.blogger.com/x/blogger/1197/3166/1600/884476/000_0248.jpg

    Sorry for that Oshy! ↑ ↑ ↑
    Don’t be mad!

  16. Abby, I’m still waiting for my daily “Quickie” :roll:

  17. oshkoshb'grabmyhooters

    Um, I’m not authorized to view that page, so I’m not sure why I should be mad, although I am afraid, and confused, and now suddenly I have stopped caring, and now I’m horny, and now I want a donut.

  18. sonya

    Sometimes after I eat corn I poop Golden Couples.

  19. bionic bunny

    uh, thanks for sharing that, sonya.

    somebody pass me the cookies.

  20. Oshy, what do you mean you’re not authorized to view that page? You are missing out on something really spectular!! :)

  21. Great site. I love celebrity gossip. need help killing surving the work week. check out

    http://www.energyturtle.com

  22. kate

    I love Jennifer Aniston

  23. Charlie

    ^^and i love angelina jolie
    so whoop fucking whoop

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