Jessica Biel Not So Golden
Tags: Jessica Biel
Remember how yesterday I said Jessica Biel was so hot there wasn’t anything that could squelch her foxiness? Remember? Well, I lied. And I was drunk. This is what she wore to the Golden Globe nominations yesterday. This. A hideous gray sack cloth with white heels. I don’t even know where you could find a pair of shoes like those anymore. The naughty nurse store? On Malibu Barbie? 1984? And it seems like such a waste to spend seventeen hours a day exercising only to wear the frumpiest sheath dress you can get your hands on. It’d be like me hiding my double-D’s under a muumuu or a circus tent or something utterly preposterous like that. I certainly didn’t get where I am today by shielding the girls from the admiring eyes of the public. No, sir. And where exactly am I today, you ask? Alone, in front of a computer, with a bottle of Jack Daniels and day-old beef burrito. It’s not as bad as it sounds.
For the complete list of Golden Globe nominees, click here.
More frump after the jump.
15 Comments, Comment or Ping
abby
P.S. Nice hair.
Dec 15th, 2006
Walrus Gumboot
She looks downright demure! And by demure, “i” mean quite bone-able.
Demure:
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/demure
Dec 15th, 2006
aneurysm
i know she has a big bootay n all but why does it look like she’s forever bending over just a bit? i think she tries her hardest to draw attn to said booty.
Dec 15th, 2006
aneurysm
actually bending over isn’t quite right. it’s more ‘arching her back’…
Dec 15th, 2006
sonya
It’s freakin’ Fraulein Maria!
Dec 15th, 2006
sonya
Arching my back and sticking my butt out nabbed me a husband.
True story. No, seriously.
Dec 15th, 2006
oshkoshb'lickmewhereipee
Is that the secret to larger, fuller breasts? Day old beef burritos? Tell me, Abby!!! You must tell me your secret!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dec 15th, 2006
aloha
I still think she looks good. And if I had a booty like that, I would draw all the attention I could to it. I would go even farther than she does…I would attach light up signs to it, and write anonymous articles to the newspaper telling everyone that my ass reigns supreme. I believe she hasn’t gone far enough.
Dec 15th, 2006
Italian Stallion
In the last picture I wonder if that chick farted, because that’s the look I would give her too if she did. They both are looking at her surprised…………
Dec 15th, 2006
abby
The secret to larger, more voluptuous breasts is “compulsvie over-eating and binge drinking.” Empty calories really help you fill out your bra. You might be fat, but your boobs will be spectacular.
Dec 15th, 2006
bionic bunny
sonya-
word!
Dec 15th, 2006
Rykker
Well, if anyone can make a sack dress look good, it would be Jessica.
But then, I’m just a guy; so what do I know?
Dec 15th, 2006
oshkoshb'strippersunion
Well I’ve got the binge drinking down, but I’m afraid my deeply-seated anorexia might be preventing me from the DDs I wish to acquire. I guess I’ll have to get some nasty old rich guy to buy me some for letting him ass-fuck me. Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go throw up the lettuce I just ate.
Dec 16th, 2006
Monica
she is always wearing some type of white colored shoes. Her hair looks awful. It’s like she’s trying to dress feminine to cover that fact she’s gay. I’ve seen pictures of her eating and wiping her hand across her mouth like jethro on Beverly Hillbillies. The girl eats like a linebacker of a football team, and then a pic of her wiping snot from her nose with the sleeve of her jacket. She’s nasty. She’s too masculine for Chris Evans and Derek Jeter both.
Dec 17th, 2006
sashka litcheski
OH FUCK YOU NAIVE BITCHES…
geeez…do you al live in fucking sunny calofornia, OC, laguana beach or something.
retards, she looks perfectly fucking fine.
wow, your just so fucked. i mean lettece. wow. yep wreckgin your health will get you really far, in this world.
hmm, the dress, colour is pretty bad.
but the overall desgin i think it okay, its got a nice, bit where it comes in.
i like her shoes. id like them in other colours too.
grey just sucks, cock.
hmm, yeah well, at least she can fucking afford to eat, food, she looks million times, better then fucking nicole ritchie, regardless of hair and clothing.
nicole ritchie reminds me of, my pre-pubscent,5 year old sister…
ewww.
you need curves and breasts to look good, as a woman…eles you just look disgusting and unfuckable.
Jan 18th, 2007
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