Jake Gyllenhaal Escapes Fire
You probably noticed that we’ve had some site “issues” the past couple of days. It wasn’t my fault. You try to download some stuff about “dirty bombs” and “militant jihad” on the Yeeeah! server and the FBI freaks out and shuts down your site. Then they show up with assault rifles and kick your front door in and search your house and every last orifice for a secret stash of weapons-grade plutonium. Which I had, in a little Ziploc baggie in the cupboard, but that’s not my point. My point here is that my anus will never be the same. I’ll have you know those bastards weren’t gentle at all. And they definitely weren’t polite. You might want to write your congressman or stage a protest or something.
Speaking of anal intrusion, actor Jake Gyllenhaal helped salvage a few priceless relics when the hotel in which he was staying caught fire Wednesday morning. People magazine reports:
Gyllenhaal, 26, and his actress sister Maggie, 29, were among the guests forced to flee Manka’s Inverness Lodge in the San Francisco Bay area when the two-story wooden inn caught fire around 2:30 a.m. “Jake was helping me pull things out of the fire,” Daniel DeLong, a chef and co-owner of the historic lodge where the actors had often vacationed [said].
The article failed to mention that Jake was balls-deep in another man’s bottom and cradling a flame-thrower when the blaze broke out. I don’t want to point any fingers, but I’m pretty sure he was the only guest there with an incendiary device and covered with anal lube. I don’t have to remind you guys how flammable that stuff is. Okay, so I don’t know that for sure, but I’m fairly certain that’s what gay men do. Fire and anal. That’s why the fire that destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah was so ironic. That God sure has a wicked sense of humor.
18 Comments, Comment or Ping
Gossip
The fire was probably started, because the gayboys dry humped each other too rapidly and made fire. Once a gay always a gay.
Vicious gossip: http://www.glunp.com/
Dec 29th, 2006
abby
That’s what I figured.
Dec 29th, 2006
sonya
I’m waiting for an indignant little girl to whine that “just because he played a gay person, doesn’t mean that he’s gay!”
Dec 29th, 2006
abby
Yeah, I know. It’ll probably be a fat indignant little girl, too. You know how fat chicks get. They’re so touchy.
Dec 29th, 2006
sonya
She’ll also be a cutter.
Dec 29th, 2006
Zanna
You know…just because he played a gay person, doesn’t mean he’s gay.
Dec 29th, 2006
Dragulf
So, you are saying Jake is flaming gay?
Dec 29th, 2006
Wally Gumboot
And he was in San Francisco too! Hahaha!
I hope you got your front door fixed Abby?
Dec 29th, 2006
larry
ANAL? you want anal?
Check this out f you want anal. Totally free high quality clips
http://boratsporn.wordpress.com/
Dec 29th, 2006
abby
Um, who said I wanted anal?
Dec 29th, 2006
abby
Was it my neighbor? Because she’s a lying bitch.
Dec 29th, 2006
Wally Gumboot
It was me Abby. I was the one who said you wanted anal.
All anal… all the time.
Dec 29th, 2006
Zanna
All I have to say Wally, is thank GOD this site doesn’t allow avatars….and you know that I know that you know that I know…what avatar we’re talking about.
Dec 29th, 2006
Italian Stallion
I heard they’re coming out with a Brokeback Mountain 2………”Cornhole Canyon”
Dec 29th, 2006
abby
I went to Cornhole Canyon on a family vacation in the eighties. Nice place. Lotta gays, but nice.
Dec 29th, 2006
Wally Gumboot
Sure Z.
Dec 30th, 2006
bionic bunny
cornhole canyon. nice one, stallion!
Dec 30th, 2006
Gyllenhaalic
You guys are whores. You have no respect for a man. What he did was amazing. He has more talent in his pinky finger then all of you have put together. Jake is a great man and a great actor. Give him some respect.
By they way, I’m not whiny. I’m very skinny, and I’m not a cutter. I just care about people more than you assholes do.
Jan 20th, 2007
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