Britney Spears Will Win You Back
Britney Spears posted a letter thanking her fans for their support and apologizing for her recent behavior on her official website. Below is an excerpt from the letter:
The last couple of years… the media has criticized my every move and printed a skewed perception of who I really am as a human being. Behind every decision I have made in my public life there always seems to be an apparent contradiction. I have come to terms with that which is why I usually don’t pay much attention to it.
I am now more mature and feel like I am finally “free”… I look forward to coming back this year bigger and better than ever, and to also reaching out to my fans on a more personal level… [Trust] me, I get it. I know I’ve been far from perfect and the media has had a lot of fun exaggerating my every move, but I want you all to know that I love my fans so much, and I appreciate everything you have done for me, so Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
Although you can’t see it, I’m sure her monitor at home is plastered with sparkly rainbows stickers and crayon smiley-faces that she thought would make her letter look pretty. And the forty minutes her staff probably spent explaining LCD’s and their lack of permeability still couldn’t convince her we wouldn’t be able to see them. “But, it’s on the computer, ya’ll! See? Right there! Have you seen Back to the Future? We’ve livin’ in the tech… tech-on… al-gee age. It’s called the World Wide Web. It goes all over the world!” And then the staff would sigh and pat her head and put Benadryl in her Kool-Aid again so she’d take her nap early. And then they’d spend the rest of the afternoon photoshopping her face on some slut taking it anal from a black guy and all have a good laugh over tea and crumpets.
12 Comments, Comment or Ping
gail
This girl cannot write this much, cannot spell words of over one syllablem, nor really have introspective thoughts.
Jan 5th, 2007
gail
Sorry, syllable. Seems I can’t spell either.
Jan 5th, 2007
Wally Gumboot
Abby, if I was drinking something when I read your “spoof”, it would have been all over my keyboard!
Thanks for the laugh… again.
Jan 5th, 2007
p0nk
the intelligent look on her face, clearly she has matured.
Jan 5th, 2007
oshkoshb'donkeypunch
Ah’m sorry ah’s done showed you mah vagina. Ah’s not nevuh gon do that no mo. Unless’n you gots fahv hunderd dollas fo mah publicist.
Jan 5th, 2007
RichPort
Is she masticating cum curds?
Jan 5th, 2007
Italian Stallion
Osh, where have you been? I missed you, I want to give you the Stallion punch, do you like sausage? Internet yet? Heheheheheheeheeeeeeeee
Jan 5th, 2007
oshkoshb'donkeypunch
1. Since I was on vacation I’ve been working my ass off to catch up because nobody did what they were supposed to do while I am gone and I hate all these stupid fat fuckers. I HATE THEM I TELL YOU.
2. I missed you too
3. Sounds festive!
3. Love it. Especially in my vagina.
4. Nope.
5. Right back at ya buddy.
Jan 5th, 2007
sonya
Her next act will be to play her banjo with her labia while eating Cheetos with her toes.
Jan 5th, 2007
bionic bunny
i think syllablem is an awesome word!
sonya, there you are! i was just asking about you!
Jan 5th, 2007
Dragulf
At least she got the “coming back bigger than ever” part right.
Jan 5th, 2007
Victor
http://wapurl.co.uk/?CJ8UTOI
good site
May 21st, 2007
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