Golden Globes Best Dressed
For every stinkbomb that made her way down the red carpet at the Golden Globes, there were two or three actresses that looked fantastic. Now, to be fair, I know I’ve always been biased toward “simplicity chic.” That’s just me. I don’t like frou-frou and ruffles and gathers and baubles and such. And I always tend to lean toward “dresses that show nipples.” That noted, I’ll commence with the “Best Dressed” portion of Yeeeah’s Golden Globe Review.
The most beautiful pair of the night — other than my magnificent titties in a wet t-shirt at the Krimson Kitty (how else was I supposed to get my power turned back on?) — was definitely Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. Seeing them together is like witnessing the ancient Hanging Gardens of Babylon or the Temple of Artemis first-hand. Rare and magnificent. The technical term for that is ”fuckin’ hawt.”
The rest of the best after the jump.
My personal favorite: Drew Barrymore
I know what you’re thinking: Drew fucking Barrymore? Cut me a break, though — she looks a brunette Grace Kelly here. Sexy and alluring, but classy and demure all at the same time. That’s one hell of an accomplishment. Grade: A+
Next up: Jessica Biel
It was really hard for me to choose between Jessica and Drew. I love Jessica’s dress, the curves, that ass — and her makeup and hair are low-key and sexy. The earrings are a perfect compliment to the dress. So is that sweet, sweet ass. Grade: A+
Next: Ali Larter
I don’t know who this girl is or what the hell character she plays, but her dress is fucking awesome. You can make little boobies sexy when you do it right. Hell yes, Ali! Grade: A
Next up: Reese Witherspoon
Reese’s dress is an unusual color, but you have to admit it works on her. It fits like a glove, too. I have to give her props for not turning into a fat, frumpy slob after splitting with her husband like fellow blondes Britney Spears and Jessica Simpson. Reese just looks hot. Killer shoes, too. Grade: A-
Next: Jennifer Lopez
I personally find Jennifer Lopez repulsive. I hate her music, her clothing line, her perfume, and her husband. And although her dress looks a bit like drapery or an oriental rug arranged toga-style, it somehow looks good on her. Her makeup is finally toned down and she’s eased up on the eighteen pounds of bronzer and pastel lipstick she’s prone to wear. I like her hair, too. Simple, chic — she pulled it off. Grade: B
Next: Ellen Pompeo
I got three words for you: nipples, no ruffles. Well-done, Ellen! Grade: B
Last of the best-dressed: Jennifer Garner
Jennifer Garner is really giving Jessica Biel a run for the money in the fitness department. She’s toned and sleek without looking quite as masculine. Her dress hangs perfectly on her frame; she’s another pround bearer of tiny boobies that still manage to be sexy. Her makeup and hair are natural but polished. That said, I’d like to polish that ass like it was a brass lamp hiding a genie. Da-yum. Grade: A
19 Comments, Comment or Ping
Walrus Gumboot
Drew Barrymore has always struck me as a cutie-pie.
Reese Wiherspoon does look hot in her frock.
Ali Larter has some pretty boobies.
Jan 16th, 2007
Litelysalted
Without a doubt, Reece wins my vote for best look of the evening, despite Drew Barrymore looking as good as she ever will.
But I’m sorry Abby, I’m just not feeling the Angelina love. In fact, if I had to sum up her look in a phrase, I’d say she’s just about completed her transformation into animated Disney feature villainess. I’m also not impressed with her shitstain of a half-removed tattoo. And Brad just looks tired. Like all this united nations baby collecting bullshit is finally starting to catch up with him. My grade? C-!!!
Jan 16th, 2007
Litelysalted
Ooooh…. Everybody check out The Superficial for Globes coverage. That fucking hack on that site has resorted to ripping off SNL material for jokes.
Jan 16th, 2007
oshkoshb'fuckitwhocares
My prom dress was made out of nipples, ruffles and a rayon-cotton blend. Needless to say I was voted hottest girl to have onanistic fantasies to in high school.
Jan 16th, 2007
Italian Stallion
Jennifer Lopez looks like the Mexican waiter I had at El Salto. He forgot my beer. Fucker……….
Jan 16th, 2007
spatz
i dont know what happened to reese but she looks smoking hot. it might be that sexy hair. who knows. she looks ten thousand times better than she did last year.
good choices! besides brad and angelina. she looks like a skeletal space alien and he looks like a leather shoe. most overrated people ever to exist on planet earth. ever.
Jan 16th, 2007
TT.Quick
REESE Looks like a Golden Angel! I love her - She looks the best out of all those other Celeb’s! Why anyone would cheat on such a Beautiful and Talented woman must have his head up his bone-headed Ass! Nice look Reese - Your the Best! As for your X-Hubby, He can die in a puddle of piss and shit in a dark wet basement! :o)
Jan 16th, 2007
sonya
I agree, Reese looks awesome! And I ADORE those shoes she is wearing!
But Angie is creeping me out. Look at her Grip of Cold, Auschwitz-Tattooed, Emaciated Death. Shiver.
Jan 16th, 2007
Butch
Score for Angie:
Tits: 10
Tats: 0
That is the worst fucking ink I’ve ever laid eyes one…worse than prison ink.
Is that the Grand Canyon or just a space between Ali Larter’s boobies?? I didn’t know boobs belonged under armpits unless you’re 60 years old and 200 pounds.
Jan 16th, 2007
T.T. quick
YES…I agree with Sonya…Angelina looks like a Cold, self centered, ego flaunting, house breakin’ ICE WITCH!
Jan 16th, 2007
abby
I’m breaking up with ALL OF YOU!!! Angelina is a smoldering goddess of unequivocal beauty! And not saying that just because a kid once told me I looked like Lara Croft from the movie. (And who played Lara Croft? The “emaciated cold-hearted auschwitz space alien.”) I’m just saying that because.
Jan 16th, 2007
oshkoshb'fuckitwhocares
Abby, they were talking about your cans. You and Angelina both share the quality of amazing cans. Or so I imagine. And then I imagine you rubbing them together with mayonaisse. Don’t know why. Just do.
Jan 16th, 2007
bionic bunny
abby, *sniff* i’ll miss you *sobs*
i really can’t stand the whole brad/angie thing, but they do look okay here. i’ll give you that.
and drew looks fabulous.
of course my day has so far consisted of drinking tequila and popping xanex, so what do i know????
Jan 16th, 2007
CruisingforCock
I want to lick Brad from head to toe. And I want Angelina to watch.
Jan 16th, 2007
abby
I bet it’s that mayonnaise porno I sent you, Osh. The one with all the t-bagging and vaginal fisting. You remember! There was that one-eyed albino at the end.
Hi, Cruising! It’s about damn time you came over here.
Jan 16th, 2007
Walrus Gumboot
I’m not a foot fetish kind of a guy… but Reese Witherspoon even has nice feet.
http://img172.imagevenue.com/view.php?image=31762_reeseHQCB11_122_556lo.jpg
Jan 16th, 2007
CruisingforCock
Holla - I had no idea this is where are the people were. I blame Stallion. He is always trying to steal my thunder.
But seriously, Brad….let me lick you from head to toe. I watched the Keeley tape and took notes.
Jan 17th, 2007
Walrus Gumboot
Cruising - GET THE FUCK OUT OF BALTIMORE as fast as you can!!!
Heed my warning!
Jan 17th, 2007
Loob
What a crappy tatt on Angelina. It looks like she uses old newspapers for bed sheets.
Jan 18th, 2007
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