Lane Garrison, one of the minor players in Fox’s soon-to-be axed “Prison Break,” killed a seventeen year old boy in an accident last year while under the influence of alcohol and cocaine. TMZ reports:

Blood tests have revealed that Lane Garrison had “more than twice the legal limit” of alcohol in his system and was under the influence of cocaine during the fatal crash that killed a 17-year-old boy in December. According to cops, Garrison’s blood alcohol level was at least .16. He could also be prosecuted for driving under the influence. A DUI could be prosecuted based on alcohol, cocaine or both. Since there was bodily injury, a DUI could be prosecuted as a felony. A spokesman for the Beverly Hills Police Department announced today that his department has recommend that the L.A. County District Attorney file a felony charge of gross vehicular manslaughter against the “Prison Break” star. If charges are filed and Garrison is convicted, he faces a maximum of ten years in prison. Cops also recommended that Garrison be prosecuted for contributing to the delinquency of a minor.

A “Prison Break” star going to prison. I tell you, irony is never afraid to bend you over and have at it. And I have a feeling Lane Garrison is going to end up on the receiving end of a lot more “having at it” once irony is through giving him “the old one-two.” And that there’s about all the discreet euphemisms I can think up for “monster salami ass-pounding.” It’s hard to be subtle when you’re talking about taking it up the pooper from multiple metaphorical penises. It’s hard to do much of anything except sob in the fetal position and wish you hadn’t been so fucking stupid.

Related Stories

• No Related Stories