Jessica Simpson Terrifies Clubgoers
Being the responsible journalist that I am, I made sure to thoroughly document pop singer Jessica Simpson’s descent into fugly hell last month. I did it with an air of finality because I just didn’t think it could get any worse. And then these pictures fell into my lap. I’m sorry, but as a journalist, I am ethically obligated to put them up, if only to warn you about the hideous he-she that made the rounds at Hyde over the weekend. Sweet Holy Moses. Tammy Faye Baker mascara, identical hair and skin color, bloated greasy lips, and is that… a denim camisole? So wrong, on so many levels. I’ve seen more believable trannies down at the Golden Banana on 27th. And no self-respecting she-male would ever be caught dead in a denim-lycra blend. Not unless it was 1985 and a trucker was paying them good money to do it. Some people still have their dignity, you know.
More bi-gendered terror after the jump.
20 Comments, Comment or Ping
April
John Mayer looks incredible with that new haircut.
Feb 6th, 2007
abby
That is the most unholy skin color I’ve ever come across.
Feb 6th, 2007
RichPort
I’d like to make her cry just to watch her eyeliner run. The question is, do I show her Soundscan proof that Nick’s last CD far outsold hers or photos of Joe and Ashley fucking on her bed..? Decision, decisions…
Feb 6th, 2007
April
It’s like she’s partaking in every color of the doo doo rainbow.
Feb 6th, 2007
LadyJane
Last time I saw a mug like that, it had a hook in it.
Feb 6th, 2007
litelysalted
The best is how the “Patton Oswalt on a good day” guy is like, completely uninterested and marginally annoyed that Jessica Simpson is draped over him making her “O” face. “Christ, here comes that fucking Jessica Simpson again. Sigh…”
Feb 6th, 2007
sonya
Remember those wax lips that for some reason, you could eat? That’s what her lips look like.
Feb 6th, 2007
abby
She needs a little more eyeshadow. Not quite “smoky” enough.
Feb 6th, 2007
abby
She should have just blacked her own eyes with a baseball bat. I’m pretty sure she used that trick on her mouth. You don’t get that kind of swell with a plumping gloss. A good backhand or wooden bat does the job.
Feb 6th, 2007
d. c.
She’s showing how she really cares for the fans without her fakey nicey-nice stance.. Hint, give me the money and shut up distain. Gad, it’s like she masculated herself, and that is one weird set of over-poofed while oddly, sag-droopy lips! Maybe she should contact Heather Graham to deflate the artifical mishap? Haha
Feb 6th, 2007
Dragulf
In the third picture (with her huge mouth hanging open) she is thinking about how her carpet doesn’t match the drapes anymore. Either that or she wants the world to know how big a penis she Really Can fit in her mouth!
Feb 6th, 2007
Matthew
I am terrified. If you could see my face right now, you’d see horror. I’m not even kidding.
In the header pic, she looks like a Raquel Welch impersonator from hell.
Feb 6th, 2007
Emily
wow
i think the biggest problem is her lips
i thought that first off if the first picture
but then i saw the second,
and the third,
and so on.
close your mouth
Feb 6th, 2007
bionic bunny
damn it, i HATE when my boobs won’t cooperate with the paps! is she popping it out, or putting it back?
Feb 6th, 2007
oshkoshb'alls
Isn’t anyone going to say something about that guy in the second picture? Anyone? Maybe he’s a figment of my imagination, like the boogie man. I surely hope so.
Feb 6th, 2007
bionic bunny
its not you, oshy, he’s really there.
its just that his life has been sucked out of his body by being so close the black hole that is jessica simpson.
jessica rabbit was sexier. she was only DRAWN bad.
Feb 6th, 2007
Italian Stallion
The guy in the second picture is looking for the plane, Osh…………..
Feb 7th, 2007
Loob
Photo no.3 will stay with me for awhile. I’m going to have to stay up late and distract myself with cartoons or I’ll have nightmares.
I love horror stuff and the supernatural in general, but that’s scarier than every Living Dead Doll I own.
Feb 7th, 2007
nj
na bocca ke je centra un tir…
Jul 23rd, 2007
Vincent Lashomb
Jessica Simpson Kimmel in shower!!
Home private video online:
http://jessica-simpson-hot-tape.blogspot.com/?id=85834809&s=y
Oct 5th, 2009
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