Britney Spears Has Low Self-Esteem
Britney Spears ex Isaac Cohen wasted no time humiliating the former pop star to claim his fifteen minutes of fame. He told News of the World last week,
“[Britney] had such low self esteem… She would say, ‘Am I fat? Am I fat?’ then spend hours dancing around the house trying to burn off calories. Other times, she got so low she didn’t care what she looked like. She could not care less some days if she went out of the house without brushing her hair or checking to see if her outfit matched. It was clear she was not over her marriage [to Kevin Federline]… her wedding dress [still] hung on the wall in a glass box. As we made love it was like Kevin was in bed beside us. She had not even begun to move on with her life.”
Kevin in bed beside us? I guess the olfactory assault of Hennessey and Drakkar Noir and stale pot smoke is pretty hard to dodge, no matter how many times you Lysol the sheets. The smell of “douche” and “failure” really linger on the palate. Kinda like the smell of that dead hooker I had in the trunk of my car for a couple of days. Apparently, people defecate and purge right after they die. Oh, yes. They poop. I bet you didn’t know that. And FYI, leaving a corpse with its stomach contents and shit to stew in your trunk in the middle of July in Florida is a huge mistake. Nobody told me how I could have easily avoided the permanent stench of death and feces in my car with just a few key items. Nobody told me anything about murdering hookers. So that’s why I’m writing a handy do-it-yourself guide with chapters like “Duct Tape: Your Best Friend” and “You Can Depend on Depends.” Yep, I’m gonna be a millionaire one day. I’ve pretty much got the market cornered on this stuff.
15 Comments, Comment or Ping
RichPort
When I hear people talk of ‘making love’, especially with someone they just started fucking, I am reminded of that ever true Murphyism: I don’t make love, I fuck. I like to fuck someone I love, but I don’t make love.
It went something like that. Imagine screaming to someone who pisses you off “Go make love yourself ASSHOLE”. You’ll lose that arguement by default.
Hennessey and Drakkar Noir and stale pot… HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Just how I always pictured Earl… hee hee…
Feb 12th, 2007
Zanna
So, he mentions what a mess she is, uncombed hair, clothes don’t match, she basically doesn’t care what she looked like and the wedding dress is on the wall….AND HE’S STILL FUCKING HER.
Who has the low-self esteem, Isaac?
It’s a good think the Spirit of K-Fed was in the room otherwise Isaac might not have been able to get it up.
Feb 12th, 2007
abby
Zanna! RichPort! My darlings!
Where the hell have you all been? I started cutting again.
Feb 12th, 2007
abby
@ fatback
The Phoenix rises again!
Feb 12th, 2007
RichPort
Z, he wasn’t fucking her… he was making love to her.
Abby, these fuckers actually expect me to work at work. Bastards… I told them a 4% increase doesn’t even begin to cover my increased alcohol intake, let alone expenses.
I must say it suck that Brit was hot for like 15 seconds after she dumped Earl and unleashed her milk-laden girls. Much like the men who ‘make love’ to her, I got bored quick. I must suck to have someone chewing gum in your ear why your trying to nail ‘em right.
Feb 12th, 2007
Zanna
Abby, I’m in the Framingham Correctional Institute. I only have sporadic internet access. I have to give up my “pudding” to get this much as it is.
Feb 12th, 2007
RichPort
And of course by pudding she means conjugal visit with RichPort. The sacrifices she makes…
Feb 12th, 2007
Pete
“So, he mentions what a mess she is, uncombed hair, clothes don’t match, she basically doesn’t care what she looked like and the wedding dress is on the wall….AND HE’S STILL FUCKING HER.”
It’s a novelty f*ck, nuff said.
Like when I nailed Martha Raye.
Feb 12th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
Dude, next time you wanna bump-off a hooker e-mail me first.
On to Clitney, I think you give her and Earl waaaaaay to much credit in their taste for perfume and liquor. From my end I’m imagining it’s a mixture of Brut 33 and menthol cigarette butts inside of stale Colt 45 bottles.
Feb 12th, 2007
sonya
“It must suck to have someone chewing gum in your ear why your trying to nail ‘em right.”
That’s not gum she chews, it’s her cud.
Feb 12th, 2007
Dragulf
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Feb 12th, 2007
bionic bunny
sonya, that’s so udderly true!
Feb 12th, 2007
Zanna
Pete…why do you put a star in the word Fuck when you cut and pasted the word fucking before that? Oh what..you’re better than me, is that it? IS THAT IT????
Feb 12th, 2007
d. c.
She’s a slobby delusional idiot with enough money to ruin herself..
Feb 12th, 2007
Italian Stallion
Z- why do you always have to pick on everyone. That f*cking sh*t is getting old. Knock it the f*ck off…………….
P.S. What up Pete?
Feb 12th, 2007
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