British actor Ralph Fiennes enjoyed a taste of the public restroom carnality that is the “Mile High Club” last week. Page Six reports:

Ralph Fiennes was on a five-day, UNICEF tour of AIDS-ravaged India last month to raise awareness about STDs when he met Qantas flight attendant Lisa Robinson [and] began chatting her up. [He] sat with her in the crew jump seat during rest breaks, even though that was against the rules. Two other crew members caught the pair leaving the bathroom and told their superiors, and Qantas confirmed that it had suspended Robinson without pay pending an investigation.

I know that personally, nothing makes me wetter than “The English Patient.” Or the smell of other people’s urine and feces and only having three square feet in which to move around. Especially if the fat guy in the third row just got done blowing it up in there. It’s like having oysters, champagne and candlelit romance all at once. If the oysters were rotten and the champagne was actually cat piss and if by “candlelit romance” I really meant “the fetid stench of the homeless mixed with the tang of Britney Spears’ inner thigh sweat.” Contact your Qantas attendant for details.

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