Paris Hilton’s Crappy Deviant Birthday
The only people who bothered coming to Paris Hilton’s birthday bash in Vegas were midgets and those of the Capra inclination. Page Six reports:
Hollywood A-listers shunned celebutard Paris Hilton’s 26th birthday at the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Vegas. “There were no names there except for [sister] Nicky Hilton and Nicole Richie,” said our source. But even without many boldfaces, things at the after-party at the Penthouse Suite got a little odd. After downing TY KU liquor and bottles of Dom Perignon, guests reported seeing Hilton play with a monkey while a band of midgets led a pack of goats around the room.
Boy, she sure makes that Caligula seem like a fucking amateur, doesn’t she? I once knew this dude who liked to get off by rubbing his face with a live cat while you stomped on his ballsac in stiletto heels. True story. He certainly paid handsomely for it. And, for the record, it doesn’t count as bestiality because I never touched the cat. So let me just stop you right there and artfully steer the conversation elsewhere by pointing out the weird circular bruises all over Paris’ chest. It reminds me of the time I took a Hoover to my neck in the seventh grade to make hickeys because I read somewhere that only sluts have hickeys and everybody knows that boys like sluts. That’s certainly a possibility. Although “getting punched and kicked in the sternum by someone wearing a circular boot because you’re a useless fucking twat” also seems entirely probable. It’s anybody’s guess, really.
More of Paris’ unexplained bruises after the jump.
6 Comments, Comment or Ping
BarbadoSlim
I’m shocked that she actually had the good sense to include midgets, that was the only touch of class in that shitfest.
Everything is better with midgets.
Feb 21st, 2007
abby
I’m more of a “primordial dwarf” girl myself.
Feb 21st, 2007
sonya
Ooh, those primordial dwarves creep me out. It’s like they could go around biting your kneecaps. They’re like creepy little dolls come to life.
Feb 21st, 2007
Tine
Did we figure out what was on her chest yet? I think that is cum on her nose!
Feb 21st, 2007
bionic bunny
i think they’re monkey bites. you know the girl’s got to enjoy a little monkey lovin’ once in a while.
i mean, like, who doesn’t??
Feb 21st, 2007
irene
THAT THING LOOKS LIKE A RASH.SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THE CLINIC INSTESD OF A PARTY!
Aug 27th, 2007
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