In what I can only assume was the losing end of a bet, super-hot actress Jessica Biel and Latino loser Wilmer Valderrama were spotted on what appeared to be an actual date last week. Page Six reports:

[Jessica and Wilmer] looked like a hot new couple Thursday night at the Rose Bar in the Gramercy Park Hotel. Biel arrived first… and [Valderrama] joined her a half-hour later. “They were in deep conversation,” said a witness. “Then, Latin music was playing and he twirled her about. They seemed to be together all night.”

I’m pretty sure I’d make out with a school janitor before I’d make out with Fez. Even if the janitor had scabs all over his face and those frothy spit-strings in the corners of his mouth. I’d probably have to shoot myself in the thigh first as a distraction, but I could do it. After all, I once touched a hobo’s wiener for thirty bucks on a dare. He was dead, but believe me, that was still no walk in the park. But thirty bucks is still thirty bucks, and thirty bucks will buy you a lot of crack nowadays. Enough crack to stop you from feeling like you need to burn your forearms with cigarettes again for having touched a corpse’s genitals. But there’s just not enough crack in the world to quash the shame of having made out with Wilmer fucking Valderrama in public. That’s probably why God invented alcohol.