Johnny Depp’s Daughter Seriously Ill
Actor Johnny Depp’s daughter has been hospitalized in London after being scratched by a rusty nail. TMZ reports:
Johnny Depp’s 7-year-old daughter, Lily-Rose, apparently scratched herself on the nail and the wound was left untreated. She has been in London’s Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children since February 28. One of Lily’s kidneys is affected and so far she is not responding to treatment. A source says:”Blood poisoning developed. It has now spread through her body and has affected her vital organs.”
Not much snarky to say about a sick child. Plus, I really like Johnny Depp. So instead, here’s a story about a sick girl that you can feel free to berate: at church camp in the summer of ‘89 there was this boy there who smelled like feet and he got caught masturbating in the woods by that girl I was telling you about and the counselors made him spend the rest of the trip supervised, even when he went to the bathroom, and he had to keep a Bible on his person at all times and read scripture while the rest of us swam and played volleyball and went on hayrides. Anyway, that girl who caught him was in my cabin and she said his wiener was small, and later that week she got bit by a tick and got lyme disease and got really sick. The point of this story is that you don’t go around tattling on masturbators unless you want God to punish you with diseased parasites. Especially if that boy you tattled on was less of a “boy” and more of “your own father hiding in the woods with his dick in his hand.” I’m sure you’d agree it’s just in bad taste.
13 Comments, Comment or Ping
Dragulf
I have a small penis. Bring it!
Mar 9th, 2007
abby
Do you also masturbate in the woods?
Mar 9th, 2007
Sorceressss
I love Johnny! I hope his daughter gets better… But I can’t stand that French chick he’s with… Bleh
Mar 9th, 2007
LadyJane
Does the pope wear a tall hat?
Of COURSE Dragulf wanks it wherever he can. That’s what he told me when I found him pulling the pud in my shower last night. Right after I asked him how the hell he got in to my house.
Mar 9th, 2007
Dragulf
You silly people and unlocked doors. I mean it’s warmer in than out, I always say.
Mar 9th, 2007
oshkosh
I prefer to masturbate on the playground with a 14″ dildo on the swingset. Or those horse thingies on springs that go back and forth, back and forth, boinga boinga boing. Those are awesome.
Mar 9th, 2007
Italian Stallion
Osh- That wasn’t a “horse thingie”, it was me bitch!!! Just another satisfied customer…………
Mar 9th, 2007
oshkosh
Thanks, how much do I owe you? All I have is this old sock full of buffalo nickles and a briefcase full of I.O.U.s, which are as good as money.
Mar 9th, 2007
Italian Stallion
Well considering you can’t give change back from a penny, I guess you don’t owe me anything…………
Mar 9th, 2007
bionic bunny
yesterday TMZ and PEOPLE said she was doing better.
wonder if her tetanus is up to date?
i used to despise johnny dep. when they announced “pirates” i went “euww”. but i saw him on “biography” and realized how much he had changed. and of course captain sparrow completely won me over.
in other news i have a friend who was apprenticing on a fishing boat. he’s just been promoted to
“master” baiter.
i know. lame. but nobody else said it!
Mar 9th, 2007
oshkosh
If anything you owe me. How handy are you with a belt sander? I’ve got a rough patch on my clitoris.
Mar 10th, 2007
Italian Stallion
Um, we could go back and for like this forever or you can go back and forth on my cock with your mouth. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision……….
P.S. Since I already know what you will decide, I think I’ll end this with an OPEN WIDE……..
Mar 10th, 2007
insulted
you people are sick! a 7-year-old girl is ill in hospital (now just coem out) and you are talking about masturbation and penis’s ! how much sicker can you get? if you want to talk about that with eachother do it somewhere else you sick people, don’t you have any heat?
Mar 14th, 2007
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