Tom Cruise has decided that his very own ambulatory uterus Katie Holmes needs to sire another of “his” offspring. And there’s a deadline. TMZ reports:

An insider close to TomKat was spotted at posh West Hollywood baby boutique, Petit Tresor, last week. The friend was looking at ’scenarios’ for a boy’s nursery and a source at TMZ overheard her saying, “We want to be prepared for a baby boy. The question at hand now is whether the baby will be biological or adopted as the shop was given an April 15 deadline, only three days before baby Suri celebrates her first birthday.

Well, when it comes to uteruses, askin’ ain’t gettin’. I once demanded my uterus cough up the fifteen grand it owed me after it bet everything on the Steelers, but I have yet to see a single dime. I even took my uterus out back and roughed it up a little — you know, poking it with a hanger and spraying it with vinegar — but it still didn’t fork over the dough. A surprising number of people alerted the police to what they thought was a demon-possessed mental patient attempting an abortion, though. I tried to explain everything to the officers, but they just sedated me and took away my shoelaces again. My uterus must have paid off those damn dirty cops when I wasn’t looking. I bet you that’s where my fifteen grand went.