Here’s another reason you can’t trust the gays — they’ll corner you in the crapper and try to jerk off on you when you least expect it. Just like former “American Idol” finalist Mario Vasquez. TMZ reports:

Mario Vasquez is facing accusations that he tried to masturbate in front of a male employee in a bathroom on the set of the hit show in 2005. According to the lawsuit filed, Magdaleno Olmos [the assistant accountant for the company that produces American Idol] claims “Vazquez stared lasciviously, smiled lasciviously … and on one occasion followed him into a bathroom … knocked on the door of the plaintiff’s stall and made eye contact through the space in the stall door.” Vazquez “started to rub his genitals over his pants. Attempting to leave the bathroom, Olmos opened the door of the stall and saw Vazquez standing in front of him with his pants down masturbating.” Vazquez pushed Olmos “further into the stall and continued masturbating with one hand and trying to pull down Olmos’ pants with another hand.” Olmos tried to “cover his body with his hands” but Vazquez touched his “chest and stomach underneath his shirt, and Olmos’ “genitals” as Vazquez “attempted to unzip” Olmos’ pants. Vazquez then allegedly asked Olmos “if he wanted oral sex.”

That Mario is one nimble masturbator. That’s a lot of aggressive manhandling for a guy with one hand down his pants. Attempting to do stuff while masturbating is actually much harder than it looks; I once attempted to fix myself a vodka and tonic while masturbating and just ended up making a huge mess on the kitchen floor. And then there was that other time I tried to corner my probation officer while masturbating and all I got was a taser to the chest and a trip back to the pokey. I guess I’m just not what you’d call a “multi-tasking” kind of masturbator. More of a singular purpose kind of girl. My second husband, though — he could even drive the school bus while punching the clown. You should have seen him go. I can only aspire to that kind of greatness. He was really dedicated to the art of self-love and kiddie porn.

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