Singer Fergie’s talents not only include “exercising in public” and “jamming a swimsuit up her ass,” but also “being so falling-down drunk that she got kicked off a flight to London.” The Mirror reports:

The singer, 31, was about to fly from Los Angeles to Britain with bandmates when airline staff saw she was slurring her words and could hardly stand. Fergie… drunkenly raged at them and had to be pulled away by friends. One witness said: “She was falling all over the place and had to be supported. She was in no state to fly. But when she was prevented from boarding she [began] drunkenly ranting at staff but could barely string a sentence together. It was very embarrassing.”

I thought things like that only happened to my family at funerals. We just can’t bury our dead without somebody getting drunk or arrested or tasered. This last time, the police refused to let Aunt Erma join the procession because she was so wasted she’d pissed her pants. Of course, she immediately started flailing her arm fat and screaming obscenities when they tried to steer her away from her Crown Vic, with a lot of “By God’s” and “black and blue, s’all there’s gonna be’s” before the funeral director finally gave the cop the nod and he hit her with a taser in the chest. It was ugly. Lots of twitching. And vomit. Just so you know, tasers aren’t that great for old fat asses with coronary problems. Aunt Erma actually had a heart attack about fifteen minutes later, but nobody realized it until the next day when she started to purge and commenced with stage one rigor mortis. We all just figured she’d just passed out from the booze. Still, though, none of my family has ever been kicked off a flight for being a drunk. Geez. Even Aunt Erma had more class than that.