We’re days away from finding out just who is the real father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby. Us Weekly reports:

The Bahamas Supreme Court [yesterday] ordered a DNA test to determine the paternity of five-month-old [Danielynn,] who’s been at the center of the media maelstrom since [Anna Nicole] passed away in February at the age of 39. Howard K. Stern, who is listed as Dannielynn’s father on her birth certificate, looked downtrodden when he arrived at court on Tuesday afternoon to hear the judge’s decision.

I think what I actually meant to say is that we’re just days away from finding out who isn’t the father of Danielynn. Everybody knows that Anna Nicole’s hoo-ha has seen more action than the Jersey tunnel at rush hour. You’d be hard pressed to find a guy who hasn’t been in and out of there a couple of times. The courts need to get Maury Povich to read the DNA results on his show in traditional Maury fashion — “Howard K. Stern… you are NOT the father.” And Howard could kick over a chair and stomp off stage into the green room with Maury in tow while Larry jumps up and down and screams, “I tole you, dog! I tole you! Uh!” And then Maury would come back on stage and tell Larry, “Larry Birkhead — in the case of five month old Danielynn — you are NOT the father!” And then Larry would collapse in a heap on the ground, sobbing and pleading “Why?,” and Howard could shake his head for the cameras in the green room and say, “Yeah, she played you too, sucka.” Stayed tuned for tomorrow’s show, where we test the mailman, a sanitation worker, a prison inmate picking up trash down the highway, and four illegal immigrants to see if one of them is the real father of Danielynn!