Mar 30, 2007

Beached Whale? No, It’s Kelly Clarkson

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Little known fact about Herman Melville’s “Moby Dick” — the fabled white whale apparently eluded Captain Ahab by festooning itself in camping tents and sunburning itself to a nice rosy red. Pretty clever, for an albino sperm whale. The sunglasses are a nice touch. You don’t often see a Physeter macrocephalus in a pair of Ray-Bans and a muu-muu. You know, from far away, Moby Dick kinda looks like Kelly Clarkson. Of course, Moby Dick has smaller hips and a much more winning smile, but if you squint really hard and close one eye, I think you’ll see the resemblance. “There she blows!–there she blows! A hump like a snow-hill! It is Moby Dick!”

More of Moby and friends after the jump.

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23 Comments, Comment or Ping

  1. Osbourne Black

    Kelly has let stardom go to her……. thighs.

    P.S. Bathe the big fat one on the right in the 4th picture and bring her to me.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  2. abby

    Call me Ishmael.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  3. beerdotcom182

    Thank Christ she left the moo-moo on. There’s already enough cellulite on display here.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  4. bionic bunny

    that burn looks painful.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  5. Butch

    Chick rule friend #1: Always surround yourself with fatter and uglier chicks, thus making yourself look hot and thin. Kelly has taken this rule to new heights. Oh, and in this case, it’s not working.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  6. cruising4c@work

    They should not make bikini’s in that size. PERIOD.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  7. sonya

    She looks like she’s in mourning for her lost career. And my appetite.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  8. www.celebritypwn.com

    Ew. If she loses weight she’d be fine. But right now, thats gross. . .

    Mar 30th, 2007

  9. Mary Helen McCarthy

    Ok. Now, were taking this Tyra Banks “it’s ok to be fat” out of proportion. And yes, no bikinis should be made that size.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  10. Tine

    Fat and sunburned!? She looks like John Candy from Summer Rental after his run in with the sun.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  11. Osbourne Black

    Hahahahaha! I wonder where her blow hole is?

    Mar 30th, 2007

  12. LoverlyMan

    Pfft, I’d still marry her. She’s a heck of a lot sexier than Nicole or Paris. :) Plus she doesn’t look all that “fat” to me.

    xoxox

    Mar 30th, 2007

  13. Christine

    She doesn’t look fat at all. You know, it IS okay to not be rail thin.

    Mar 30th, 2007

  14. dd

    Without this sounding like an insult…now I feel a little better about myself when I see these pics of Kelly.

    Mar 31st, 2007

  15. trilbynhiss

    Owie! The sunburn on her chest looks really painful.

    Apr 1st, 2007

  16. Osbourne Black

    She must have a strong neck, that fat cheeks looks really heavy.

    Apr 1st, 2007

  17. Osbourne Black

    How about this instead.

    She must have a strong neck, those fat cheeks look really heavy. ;)

    Apr 1st, 2007

  18. Sweetheart

    Cameras are very unforgiving, no she isn’t fat, she’s normal and healthyand is eating like regular people who get to enjoy eating! She’s probably smaller than most of the people that are out there talkin sh**.

    Apr 2nd, 2007

  19. MINDY

    SHE’S NOT A MODEL SHE’S A SINGER. AND WHO CARES IF SHE’S FAT AND IF YOU CALL THAT FAT YOUR BLIND.SO LET’S SEE ARETHA FRANKLIN IS FAT AND SHE MADE IT ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS SHALLOW PEOPLE HAVE SHALLOW MINDS… PERIOD

    May 10th, 2007

  20. Realist

    Kelly C is NOT fat. She’s just not underweight, which is the media norm. If she had a couple extra pounds on her…who the hell cares? Over 70% of Americans are overweight. 70%!!!! She’s one of the VERY best vocalists out of America in this day and age. More talent in her little finger than the likes of Spears, Hilton and Lohan combined. Damn. Give her a break.

    Jun 16th, 2007

  21. Jess

    ok people…if you think that kelly is fat, theres something wrong with you. I’m a lot bigger than that and theres nothing wrong with it. Personally I think shes gorgeous. Ever heard of plus sizes models? There ya go. Leave her alone.

    Jul 31st, 2007

  22. Sam Bloom

    I am sure that megastar and gazillionaire Kelly Clarkson, could care less what some of you no talent nobodys say about her. She is a singer and not a model, and what relevance does whether she is 10 or 20 pounds heavier or not look like Twiggy have? None. If you want to know why you cut others down, then go look in the mirror, or analyze what you have contributed in life, and I think you will find the answer.

    Aug 13th, 2007

  23. Jessie

    Kelly Clarckson is the biggest celeberty i think i have ever seen. I think she has gained probaly around 120 lb. I Love her music and i used to love her but shes gotten so fat i just cant stand it. Sorry Kelly but your as fat as a whale. Love, Jessie

    Jan 22nd, 2008

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