Fabrizio Says No to Kirsten Dunst’s Snatch
Kirsten Dunst’s split with drummer Fabrizio Moretti had less to do with a change of heart and more to do with him not wanting to get anywhere near her puss. Radar Online reports:
Earlier this year, Fabrizio Moretti, [Drew] Barrymore’s on-and-off boyfriend of nearly five years, was dating Kirsten Dunst. But in mid-March, the Spiderman actress abruptly split with Moretti and took up with Razorlight singer Johnny Borrell. Despite repeated entreaties, Dunst couldn’t persuade Moretti to have sex with her. When pressed to consummate the relationship, says the source, Moretti told her he wasn’t over Barrymore.
It’s my understanding that guys would fornicate with a Jell-O mold, provided it looked reasonably like a vagina. There is no “persuading” involved when it comes to pussy, ever. I knew this guy in college who actually removed a tampon from a girl who had passed out — after having puked all over herself — so that he could have sex with her right there in the bathroom floor. True fucking story. The guy was a huge douche, and technically that was rape, so me and a couple of my fellow dorm mates collected a month’s worth of our used sanitary devices and stuffed his car chock-full of our sloughed-off uterine-linings. I got one of the guys who worked security to use a slim jim on the douche’s truck so we could have at it without worrying about getting caught or having to break a window. And how did I manage to convince school security to break into a student’s vehicle and then stand watch while we vandalized his property? My vagina, silly! Is there ever any other answer if you’re a girl? Well, unless you’re Kirsten Dunst, I guess.
12 Comments, Comment or Ping
BEERDOTCOM182
When I make my jello mould women, I have never!, ever! made one with the likeness of Dunst. I have standards.
Apr 2nd, 2007
abby
It’s nice to know there are still good, upstanding men like you out there, beerdotcom182. Cavaliers, really. I bet you only use your “pocket pussy” in private, or places where it’s really, really dark, like in movie theaters and or at children’s nap times.
Apr 2nd, 2007
Osbourne Black
Anyway, as far as names go, Razorlight singer Johnny Borrell sounds way cooler than The Strokes drummer Fabrizio Moretti.
Apr 2nd, 2007
Sorceressss
Last year, I used my vagina to get a guy to kick my ex-boyfriend’s ass because he was sleeping with my whore sister. True story.
Apr 2nd, 2007
BarbadoSlim
I know people who’d actually pay to have their cars filled with used tampons, it’s like this huuuuuuge underground fetish thing. True story
Apr 2nd, 2007
alison
I heard about a guy in college who pulled a tampon out with his teeth (by the string)and kept right on munching………..
Apr 2nd, 2007
Osbourne Black
Hey Alison,
Was he from transylvania?
Apr 2nd, 2007
nyob
you’re a bit of a loser yourself, aren’t ya?
Apr 2nd, 2007
LadyJane
Oh, hahahhhahhahhahahahhaha.
TSFSRT…..
Apr 2nd, 2007
bionic bunny
*sniff*
abby, that was a truly touching story *wipes tear*!
in fact, i’ll bet half the guys are touching themselves right now.
my evil counterpart is on duty this morning!
Apr 3rd, 2007
TOOHEYS
what the hell?
she is lucky she was even WITH fab in the first place!
fabrizio is the sexiest man alive!
and its nice that he still loves drew!
gah.
Apr 9th, 2007
xtiney!
Johnny Borrell? thats a gay name. FAB is way nicer!
anyways..forget dunst..drew was way cooler!
OR fab can have thuy
Apr 9th, 2007
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