Jennifer Lopez’ latest return-to-her-latina-roots album is pretty much a gigantic flop. According to Perez Hilton:

Jennifer Lopez and Sony execs were less than thrilled last night when sales figures came in for her new, highly promoted Spanish-language CD, Como Ama Una Mujer. The album… sold a disappointing 48,000 units, coming it at #10 on the Billboard album charts this week. NOT good news for JLo after her summer movie El Cantante is said to be so bad that it garnered boo’s from audiences at The Berlin Film Festival.

What? You don’t want to hear love songs sung in Spanish and heartfelt duets with Marc Anthony? Preposterous! Well, okay, not really. Jennifer Lopez needs to quit trying to be so “multi-dimensional” and accept her assigned place in the world of shitty dance tracks and sappy romantic comedies. I stopped showing up to all those MENSA meetings and nodding thoughtfully and saying, “I concur” all the time, because deep down I knew I wasn’t a real genius. The math kind of genius, anyway. And apparently, so did everybody else. I think that’s why they changed the locks and turned off all the lights every time they saw my car pulling up. Now, when it comes to “being sexy” and “cutting a rug,” I’m Albert fucking Einstein. You should see me work the Three Point Crab Walk and The Sprinkler. Really, who needs logarithms and string theory when you can work The Cabbage Patch like me?