Apr 9, 20078
Jessica Simpson Dresses Like a 3 Year Old
I love the big covered buttons and contrasting stitching on Jessica Simpson’s pinafore. This season’s Cracker Barrel jumpers are just darling! It reminds me of that time I wrecked my car off of Higway 81 in the Appalachian mountains and spent three months being tied to a porch and raped by a bull calf. That milkin’ cow liked muslin sundresses the best, but a little jumper like Jess’ never failed to disappoint the mountain folk who gathered ’round with their corn whiskey to bet on how long I’d last before I’d pass out.
More of Jessica and John Mayer frolicking on the Australian beach after the jump.
8 Comments, Comment or Ping
BarbadoSlim
Not to under-appreciate your rape experience Abby, but you truly missed out. All self respecting mountain men KNOW that you get the best beast on human action with a, fully, grown bull. Preferably a Texas Longhorn.
Apr 9th, 2007
Osbourne Black
I think the mountain folk used a bull calf because they sensed Abby had a tiny-vaginy.
Mountain folk are psychic that way.
Apr 9th, 2007
Dragulf
Abby always has a better story than the dumb celeb ones.
Shitney the Pear and Jessy the Simp are long lost twins. How long till Simp shaves her head? I have started a pool.
Apr 9th, 2007
RichPort
Look at that poor fucking pelican, eyes wide open. It smells fish, but that ain’t coming from the ocean.
Apr 9th, 2007
T.Quick
GETTIN FAT!
T.T.Quick
Apr 9th, 2007
Brad
Good lord!! Those juggs are awesome now, but in 10 years, without any work, they will be hanging down to her waist.
Apr 9th, 2007
Chickadee
She looks awful! Why don’t her and that inbred Shitney go away like NOW!
Apr 10th, 2007
OK?
DUDE YOU ALL TALK LIKE YOU KNOW HER WHY DON’T YALL JUST GET A LIFE AND STOP TRYNNA BE UP IN CELEBRITIES PEEPS BUISNESS LIKE YOU KNOW THE MOTHA FUCKAS OK…FUCKIN LOSERS..GET A LIFE
Apr 22nd, 2007
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