Actress Kirsten “Sharky” Dunst got kicked to the curb last week by new boyfriend Johnny “Almost as Ugly” Borrell. News of the World reports:

Razorlight frontman Johnny Borrell has dumped Kirsten Dunst … for his ex, surfer pop chick Fabiola Gatti, after just three weeks together. A pal told me: “Johnny and Kirsten had a very passionate romance—they were completely blown away by each other at first. They spent all their time together. Kirsten even made herself at home in Johnny’s London pad. But now Johnny has realised she’s not the one for him. He dumped her at the weekend and has gone back to his old girlfriend.”

It’s all for the best, really. Terrible things might have happened if they stayed together. For example, I did a Punnett square this morning to see what would have happened had they actually reproduced, where: P=physically repulsive; p=greasy; R=albinism; and r=malocclusion, and it turns out that Kirsten and Johnny had a 75% chance of birthing a stringy-haired snaggle-toothed albino with a cleft palate. Not good. The really scary part? A 25% chance of giving birth to the Anti-Christ itself. An Anti-Christ with a cleft palate and cystic acne, no less. Thank God nature always finds a way to keep the bad apples apart!

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