You probably assumed, like me, that Courtney Love’s forty-pound weight loss came courtesy of crystal meth, cocaine, and a steady diet of random nut sack. Not so. Despite her claims of counting calories and exercising her way to thin, a friend leaked that Courtney pulled a Star Jones and got gastric bypass on the sly. According to Page Six:

Love insists her fabulous new figure is due to diet and exercise, but a friend said, “She’s telling people she got the gastric band surgery. She even said she had to sleep with a towel by her because the surgery makes her [vomit] all the time and is worried she won’t be able to make out with anyone because of her breath.”

I’d be more worried about my “freak of nature leathery crow-ness” when it came to repulsing men than a little thing like “persistent vomit breath.” I’m pretty sure the average guy out there would rather make out with the parrot in that picture or stick their dick in a light socket than help themselves to a slice of the Courtney Love’s beaver. Her vagina probably has the resiliency and texture of a pile of refried beans. And God knows you don’t want to mix the smell of refried beans and puke. My car was never the same after the infamous “Chicken Chimichanga and Sombrero Shots” ended horribly in my back seat.

UPDATE: Enjoy Courtney’s scathingly well-written response to the rumors of surgery via her website after the jump.

oh perez got it from pge six nd ots bullshit
i couldnt get that suregry iof i begged for it
FDA says you have to have a BMI of above 40 and that equals at least being 100 pounds overweight at least other wsie its ILLEGAL.
I know spmeone who troed to get that shit and no dr would give it to her an dhse was pudgier than i was, its total utter shite, i lost weightthe hard way and people cant accept it,whwnever ANYONE loses weight by determintaion and grit fast its suspect i got muyinspirationf rom Oprah losing so much weight on Slim Fast,. thats how i did it, thio sis nonsesne my breath is great and i dont “vomit inot a towel” it sjust cynical crazy bullshit,
i started weight training three days go to get rid of the saggy ass and loose tummy i pln on hving perrrfect six pack by summer, and be extra strong so when i play shows ill be strong nd not weak,
Thizs is bullshit as is the tummy tuck rumour or the 200k in liopo rumpur ( you dont lose eoght all over from lipo) ( noone loses more than 15 lbs from lipo ever they “resculpt”) thi sisjust nnoying gross BULLSHIT. from people who cant lose wieght through ld fashioned discipline but dont think for second if it was legal i wouldnt think bout it sure i would but losing ll you rintesines doesnt appeal to me and im ton macro so i dont get cancer ( i kno wthe smnoking hs to go) banding s supposed to up your vchances for colon cancer as well as other terroble health problems,
again this is BULLSHIT. i worked my ss off and m always fucking hingry though ive gotten used to it, bno dr in the world would give me gastric bypass or gastric banding i dont meet the pproval of ny western country , it would be illegal and im[ossible fvor me to find dr to perform this surgery on me.
zso thats THAT.
Jealous Cynical people who anta cceopt that somneone cn lose alot of weight the old fshioned wy ive exercised mya ss off obv iously not enough in my stomach but xdone tons and tons aof cardio, so enough said on this nonsense jealous cynical lie.
good night.

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