Joe Francis is Totally F*%!#d
“Girls Gone Wild” douche Joe Francis is facing the long, meaty phallus that is karma and metaphorically spreading his cheeks for the Florida penal system. According to TMZ:
Yesterday, Francis’ lawyer begged District Court Judge Richard Smoak to cut his 35-day sentence on federal contempt of court charges to 30 (having jail time of over 30 days on his record would change the sentencing guidelines in his federal case should he be convicted on tax evasion charges and could tack on up to a year of extra time in a federal penitentiary as a result). Judge Smoak left the sentence at 35 days.
In the grand scheme of things, [one year] might not really matter for Francis, who faces up to 100 years in Florida prison if convicted on all the felony charges he faces in that state, including use of a underage child in sexual performance and bringing contraband cash and drugs into a county jail cell.
In a world of Paris Hiltons unpunished and Lindsay Lohans unbeaten, it warms my heart to see celebrity justice served. Never was a hundred years of ass-raping so well-deserved. If they could tack on maybe cutting out one of his eyes and letting Mack the Serial Stabber skull-fuck him until his brain hemmorhaged, then I could sleep safe in my bed at night, knowing that one more government-swindling sexual predator would be off our streets. And also, I think there’d be something ironic about his being poked in the brain by a giant penis. Irony can be pret-ty damn hilarious some times.
14 Comments, Comment or Ping
litelysalted
AHH! Love it, love it LOVE it. I would pay good money for a direct-to-video “Inmates Gone Wild” that would just show a loop of Joe Francis getting skull fucked and butt fucked. Concurrently. And maybe some R. Kelly wannabe thug pissing on him too. Warms the cockles of the heart indeed.
Apr 25th, 2007
abby
My cockles were burning, too, Salty, but it was just because denim chafes when it’s hot outside. Weird coincidence!
Apr 25th, 2007
Osbourne Black
Mr Francis, I haven’t heard anyhing that funny since Beaver got himself stuck in the giant coffee cup on that billboard.
You, Litelysalted, are pretty freakin’ funny.
Apr 25th, 2007
Dragulf
I don’t want to watch that. Bleeah.
Apr 25th, 2007
Tine
Joe Francis sucks for sure, but Florida sucks even more! Everyone there sits on their front porches and spits chaw into their spitoons.
Apr 25th, 2007
Clarence Thomas
You ever notice that Joe Francis never takes no pictures of black girl titties. Is he a racist - maybe? But that’s not the reason. The real reason is that Joe Francis knows that if he took advantage of some black girls, then the boyfriends or daddies of those girls would open up a giant can of whoop ass on his sorry wanna-be pimp ass.
Apr 25th, 2007
beerdotcom182
Or it could be that in addition to being a sexual predator, a giant douch, and as intimidating as a bunny rabbit, he is also a racist. All of these things spell hilarity behind bars. He’ll be very popular.
Apr 25th, 2007
sonya
I love that it’s called the penal system. Penal Code. Whee! Keep to the Code.
Apr 25th, 2007
AngelBaby
Joe Francis has like 100 teeth.
Apr 26th, 2007
butch
Thank Gawd. I thought I was going to have to lock up my seven year old daughter for the next 10 years for fear that she would end up on Joe’s new “Girls Gone Wild on the Playground” DVD.
Apr 26th, 2007
bionic bunny
darn you, sonya, that was what I was going to say!!
i’m sure someone will keep his cockles nice and bru—uh–WARM while he’s in the pen.
how does he get only 35 days?????
could be worse. all the child molesters i’ve known have done NO time. i guess 35 days is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick…. WAIT! can we do that????????
Apr 26th, 2007
Buzzard
Two great reasons to live in Florida. Joe’s in a heap O trouble and will be held accountable, and Tine won’t be back in the Sunshine State any time soon.
Apr 26th, 2007
sonya
And pray tell me buns, how you’ve come to be acquainted with enough child molesters to be able to form an opinion on the matter?
Apr 26th, 2007
bionic bunny
you don’t want to know.
seriously.
Apr 26th, 2007
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