Meet the New Girl!
Good morning, dearest Yeeeah! readers! Please allow me to introduce myself– my name is Stacey, although some of you may know me by my ubiquitous pseudonym, litelysalted. I will be occasionally filling in for the brilliant and beloved Abby from now on; or at least I’m hoping, anyway… With the exception that I totally suck at this and you guys complain and tell Abby that I totally suck and I get fired. (Please don’t tell Abby I suck!)
And now, a little bit about myself. I enjoy cursing, excessive use of parenthesis, and drinking approximately 40 ounces of black coffee a day. (Which, trust me, would explain a lot if you met me in person.) In addition, I hate most celebrities with the white hot firey passion of a thousand suns; so it was only natural that I inevitably made my way into the realm of gossip blogging.
Alright! Now that we got that out of the way, moving on! For your viewing pleasure, here are some photos of Fergie looking like an asshole; for no other reason than it is Wednesday, and Fergie is an asshole.
Things to look for after the jump:
• An object which appears to be a mace (????) hanging from her purse.
• A decal on her hat, helpfully proclaiming it to be a “hat.”
• A grotesque amount of plastic surgery only a Trannymomma could love.
24 Comments, Comment or Ping
BarbadoSlim
Hmmmmmm, new girl….you’ve got some mighty cups to fill
It appears fergie can also add midget to her long resume of non-talents.
May 9th, 2007
Osbourne Black
Besides being porkchop tired around the neck so the dog will play with her ugly, I wonder why she’s not married. Dressing like a camouflaged trucker has nothing to do with that.
The only thing she has going for her that I can see is, she has the same name as you new girl.
May 9th, 2007
abby
Maybe Fergie’s on her way to a medieval fair. Oh, fractious day!
P.S. The new girl’s cups runneth over. Awesome, Stacey! Huzzah to the shopkeep!
May 9th, 2007
Osbourne Black
Abby, you must be a civilian today. Your post doesn’t have that nauseating editors pink backround.
May 9th, 2007
J
Nice to meet you, Diane Chambers.
May 9th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
We expect this new broad to bring the same high quality standards of depravity, disdain and dare I say, ennui, that Abby has brought to the celebrity bashing business for over twenty-five years. I also hope that the site will not abandon its commitment to charitable causes and geopolitical issues.
May 9th, 2007
Osbourne Black
It looks like Barbado finally got that new set of Encyclopædia Britannica he ordered from that door to door salesman.
May 9th, 2007
litelysalted
Yayyyy! Nauseating editors pink background!!!!
Thanks for the support, guys! And Barbado, I think I’m going to do A-ok (if anywhere else) in the depravity department, seeing as I’m only on my second post and already recounting stories of torturing my blind roommate in college.
May 9th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
QUIET YOU!….I’ll be payin’ for that shit for years, let me at least get some enjoyment out of it.
May 9th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
That last post was for OB, as for you new-tits, we’ll see…
May 9th, 2007
Vin Duzzle
Fergie’s not an asshole…just f’n ugly. There’s a difference, small, but it does exist.
May 9th, 2007
litelysalted
That point may have been debatable before, but I’m pretty sure it’s the law that if you wear a hat that says “hat” on it, you’re automatically an asshole. Or, afflicted with severe Downs Syndrome. And although I would consider the latter, I’m also pretty sure people with severe Downs Syndrome aren’t allowed to drive, and this photo clearly shows Fergie about to get into the driver’s seat of an automobile.
There you have it! Judge Salty has made her ruling: ASSHOLE!
May 9th, 2007
Osbourne Black
Court adjourned.
Let’s get a beer.
May 9th, 2007
luv fug
Sure she’s a bit ugly, but in a sexy skanky cute kinda way. I’d do her… and I’d even do her with the lights on!
May 9th, 2007
bionic bunny
could be alzheimers….
what do you suppose the tag in her underwear says???
oh, lord, did i just GO there?
hi, litely!!
May 9th, 2007
Dragulf
OH! Whew! I am SOOOOOOOOOOO glad that isn’t you in the pictures!!! Whew! Hi Salted one!
May 9th, 2007
litelysalted
Hi buns and Dragulf! Worry not– the Salted one is all lady.
May 9th, 2007
Manny
Go get em’ Stacey!
May 9th, 2007
PaddyDog
Hi Litelysalted: I “know” you from comments on Pajiba. I had the same thought as Dragulf “oh no! surely the literate and intelligent poster I know as Litelysalted doesn’t look like that!!!”. Anyway, glad to learn that you don’t feel the need to announce that a hat is a hat to the world and congratulations on the gig. Looking forward to your witty posts.
May 9th, 2007
TK
Oh my God, you’re effin’ famous LS! A bright and shining star. A bright and shining and wry, cynical, foulmouthed star.
Fergie is atrocious. I wouldn’t fuck her at gunpoint. I wouldn’t fuck her even if they made condoms out of radial tires.
May 9th, 2007
Osbourne Black
TK – condoms out of radial tires. Those would be some rough ass prophylactics.
May 9th, 2007
TK
Osbuorne: “Those would be some rough ass prophylactics.”
Better than the alternative.
May 9th, 2007
Osbourne Black
TK – Truer words were never spoken.
May 10th, 2007
Whitney
I would love to meet you in person!
Jun 17th, 2007
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