Throw Away the Key
I swore I wasn’t going to write about Paris Hilton on my first day here, however when I read about her asking for a pardon from Schwarzenegger yesterday, I damn near spit my diet beverage all over the computer screen. People writes:
In a message that went up Monday on her MySpace page and reported in the New York Post, the hotel heiress writes (in her own spelling): “My friend Joshua started this petition, please help and sign it. i LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!”
“I urge all fans and supporters and all that are outraged by injustice to sign this petition,” writes Hilton.
She’s got me there. I am outraged by injustice! Y’know; like war, famine and Arrested Development getting canceled. OH! And innocent people dying, such as wrongly convicted inmates on death row– whom Governors pardons are usually reserved for.
I was one of the 12 people unfortunate enough to have seen the movie Let’s Go To Prison. Although at the time, I thought the plot was completely mindless and asinine; part of me now wants to go commit a crime and get my ass thrown in jail, only so that I may possibly contribute in making those 45 days the most miserable fucking 45 days of her life. I’d probably start out by kicking her in the twat, and then spit on her while she cried. Later I’d sell her for a pack of smokes and take pictures while she got gang raped. It would be awe-some! Even better than that semester in college when I got stuck with a blind roommate and tormented her (among other ways) by throwing away her Braille. That one’s actually a true story, but trust me– she was a total bitch.
8 Comments, Comment or Ping
Osbourne Black
It’s hard to be humble when you are as great as Paris.
Blind people suck… and they can’t see either.
May 9th, 2007
BarbadoSlim
Outrage, 45 days, WTF pfffffft, outrage is when liquor stores got a $5.00 minimum on ATMs and all you’ve got is $3.00 bucks on your account and you want that last 40oz of Cobra. THAT’s an outrage my friend.
I’m gonna start a fucking petition…
May 9th, 2007
Osbourne Black
Slim, I’ll sign your petition.
May 9th, 2007
bionic bunny
there’s also supposed to be a petition somewhere to make sure the sentence stands.
i haven’t been there, i guess it looks like you have to donate money, but you actually don’t.
think i saw that on crazydaysandnights yesterday.
May 9th, 2007
Sorceressss
I’m out of vodka AGAIN! There’s some injustice for ya (I just can’t seem to make a bottle last a full day). And yeah, Arrested Development is way more of an injustice than this skank going to jail.
May 9th, 2007
fawn l.
Here’s a reward for good behavior for the other female inmates: 10 minutes and a broom stick. Please?
May 9th, 2007
Tim
Can we start a petition FOR Paris to go to jail to counter hers?
I bet our side would get more signatures.
May 9th, 2007
Meg
I say we start our own petition in which we ask the Governor to throw her ugly ass in jail with Big Bertha, who has a plethora of strap ons and a sick fantasy that has something to do with bondage, kicky spider monkeys and toilet seats… and then we all sit back and laugh. In my next life I want to be one of her dogs so that I can maul her. I think I could put up with Parasite Hilton if it meant I could eat her face.
Abby agrees with me and now we are going to run off together and have celebrity hating children.
May 10th, 2007
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