A rally in support of emancipating Paris Hilton drew just the kind of multitudinous crowds you’d have expected yesterday. All three of them. According to TMZ:

The well-publicized rally in Greenwich Village — timed to coincide with New York University’s graduation ceremonies — fell just a little bit short of expectations, with just three protesters fighting the pro-Paris fight, calling her a victim and a martyr. They also carried signs saying “Ike Was Right — Free Paris.”

That’s two more douchebags than I figured would show. Not counting the syphilitic hobo passed out on the park bench behind them or the confused Japanese tourist nodding and smiling politely at the picket signs. We haven’t seen genius of that magnitude congregating in one spot like that since the time I took a dump in a plastic bag and threw it in a cage full of mongoloid monkeys. It’s like a fucking MENSA meeting in there!

Footage from the actual shameful rally here.